A lot of people aren’t comfortable asking for what they want. How about you? A bit squeamish? A bit shy? Or does it completely depend on the situation or ‘ask’?

Keeping quiet and hoping someone will figure out what you want is a recipe for frustration and miscommunication. Expecting someone will notice your extra hard work, or your exemplary effort, your loyalty, or that you need a rest from all of the chores, cooking or family management creates more resentment than peace of mind. Read on for healthy and smart things to ask for!

The 3 things you must to ask for:

• Quiet time to think and process. Whether you are at work or at home, an extrovert or an introvert, everyone needs some time to process, rest or just have downtime. I had a client who had tremendous responsibility, and she was an introvert. The only alone time she had was when she’d go for a run by herself. Sounds good, but she was getting burned out from the lack of alone time to simply catch up with herself. We agreed she needed two hours of uninterrupted time at the office each week; time that could be broken into small pieces throughout her days, or as a large chunk when she had bigger projects to complete. Sound like a lot of time? It was worth it. When she took that time she could be the professional, and the Mom and wife, she wanted and needed to be. It was a win/win.
• Feedback. Sometimes in our rush to get things done and to be efficient, we forget to ask others what their genuine needs are, and for the feedback that helps us deliver in the best possible way. If we aren’t really taking the time to hear more from those who are important to us, just making assumptions about what they want and need from us, we are missing the opportunity to give attention to what really matters. This, of course, is essential at work, as well as at home. Check in with co-workers and your boss to get feedback, and if there’s something that can make life better for them. Your kids and spouse will probably be surprised by, and happy to answer, your questions.
• Respect. Hmmm. Ask for respect? That may seem bold, but really, isn’t respect also essentially setting boundaries that help people to respect you? This may mean asking someone for a reasonable rather than outrageous deadline, or even for a raise. In either case, these requests have to be well thought out and delivered. If you’re clear, have a good case for your ‘ask’ and know you are in your own integrity about it, you’ll most likely get the respect, and response, you’re looking for. You may also get a no. Regardless of the outcome, this subtle but very important element of communication can build trust, and a deeper, respectful bond with people who are essential to your satisfaction and success.