The first time I heard the saying ‘the way you do one thing is the way you do everything’ I immediately dismissed it-how could that be true? But I’ve come back to this again and again because upon reflection I do find truth, something to learn, and even wisdom, here. Right now, during our sheltering-in-place, it’s a good time to look at how we do anything and everything and learn from it. We’re ‘stuck inside’ in more ways than one, which offers a lot of rich opportunity to discover so much about ourselves, what we want, and how we do things.

I have worked on a gazillion resumes since 1991 when I first started working as a career professional. One thing I’ve consistently noticed throughout these many years is that no matter how many years of work experience, degrees and additional training one has, everyone bumps into the discomfort of judgement and comparison when looking at job descriptions and writing resumes. When we stop and think about who we are and what we have to offer, even if putting this document together to give to a friend, it brings out our fear of not being or having enough. Maybe this doesn’t ring a bell for you – and if not there’s info there for you, too!

Resume writing is one of those things that’s difficult to do by yourself because of the awkward feelings they bring up, and because we can forget so easily about what we do that offers value – we take ourselves and our skills for granted. We often don’t see ourselves. In a resume writing class I recently taught, one of the women spoke up about wanting to go for a job that required certain skills that she worried aloud wasn’t something she had to offer. A friend of hers was in the class and stopped her and reminded her about all of the times she’d told her about doing that specific thing! We all laughed out loud. There is was; buried under her fear of not being enough.

We are judging creatures. Judgement helps us to navigate decisions and actions in our lives. But who can say they aren’t tortured at some time by their self and other judgements – more or less. Job searching, and especially resume writing, is the land of judgement that gets in our way of taking steps to get what we want. Yes, there are those who you may see making what appears to be easy progress in their career path; but I would invite you to consider that we are – like in so many other ways – all in this soup of humanity together. With this perspective we can perhaps offer ourselves some self-compassion, patience and kindness to keep on with it. Look at what you do, and have done, without that disparaging voice that doubts you were really that good at what you were doing. That voice of perfectionism (maybe) is what’s made you so responsible and diligent. That fear of measuring up may have been what’s propelled you into more education, and knowledge.

If you’re ready for a new professional goal – yes even in these days of Covid-19 upheaval – do this:

• Write a list all of the achievements you’re most proud of.
• Look at the challenges you’ve overcome – large and small – and write them down.
• Look for your strengths and gifts and write them down.
• Write down what brings you joy both in work or not.
• Write about the things you’re inspired to accomplish during your lifetime and why; let this be fun and energizing. If you aren’t energized you can know you’re in judging mode.

This is the way to courage; calling on your intelligence and your heart to look, see, and do. Sounds just like we’re being asked to do during our days of sheltering-in-place. How we do one thing is how we (can) do everything.

I’m sitting here thinking of all the people I’ve listened to and talked with over the past two weeks. I’m privileged to hear and share with so many; these conversations have replenished my deep appreciation for our shared humanity, the commonality of resilience, intelligence and heart of people everywhere. This means, also, that I’ve witnessed and felt so much sadness and fear, disappointment, irritation, anxiety and anger in myself and others. Undeniably, we are all in this – no one is left out – no matter how rich or poor, truly.

So, what do we do with our questions? How can we be with them so they don’t hijack our minds to places that don’t serve us? We all have our own coping mechanisms, but I’m here today to share what I’ve heard while on the Zoom calls I’ve co-hosted with my colleague Julie Cohen. We are continuing to offer these calls on Thursdays at 9am pacific/noon est.

Mental/emotional Hygiene

While we’re all doing an industrious job of washing our hands and cleaning off surfaces, many have not been practicing what I call mental/emotional hygiene, ie, taking care to focus on refreshing the mind and body to be clean and rid of emotionally harmful input. This may mean limiting times of checking the news, being on social media, or in front of screens in general. But mostly this is also about how we work with our thoughts. Personally, I’m grateful to have been attempting to train my mind for roughly 40 of my years in how to return my thoughts to my physical location, the sensations I can feel in my body, and thereby interrupting my anxious thoughts to calm myself down – even if for a moment. This is new for many, many people but more people are turning to mind training – aka Mindful Awareness Practice — through use of apps like Calm, Headspace, UCLA Mindful  and many free meditations that are available on YouTube, or through a google search. Leaders of companies, athletic teams, and some health insurance companies are now offering these apps and other trainings to employees because of their effectiveness.

The Body Scan meditation is a tried and true meditation used in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction classes, and I have a 30-minute guided Body Scan meditation available to send if you’d like to try it. I’ve found this to be so restful, and a wonderful way to develop a new ‘relationship’ with my body. Having more access to really feeling body sensations promotes returning to the present when your mind is off on a story that may not be helping you.  If you’re interested in knowing what I mean by that, try it and see what it does for you.

Books

One participant suggested using Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is for its paradigm shifting way to be with thoughts. Another Zoom participant talked about the benefit of recognizing thought distortions – catastrophizing, or fortune telling to name a couple – that can swirl us right out of our present – and safe- location. David Burns’ book Feeling Good is a classic and useful guide for how to recognize these mental patterns and the antidotes to them.

Getting Rest When Your Nervous System is Activated

Depending on where you are, getting outside for a walk or a run – practicing social distancing – is so good for us. Just looking at something that’s starting to bloom, or feeling fresh air on your face, moving your body, helps let go of accumulated stress. I’ve been having trouble sleeping through the night and finally let go of my afternoon coffee. I’m now, also doing what I’ve been supposed to be doing – turning off my devices and letting myself read a book for 30 mins or so before I fall asleep. So far this is helping a lot. My questions about the future are still there, but they aren’t waking me up in the middle of the night. When they do I take myself through the Body Scan.

Productivity at Home

Some folks have asked about being productive when at home and Julie shared the technique called Time Boxing. Creating scheduled ‘boxes of time’ for specific projects or tasks in increments as small at 15 minutes can help add needed structure to our days. Working with creative people in all sectors of commerce and professions for so many years, I know that we all need structure; and often it’s the most creative people who benefit the most and who push against it the most! If you’re one of those creative people, I encourage you to try something new to get yourself to accomplish what will eventually have you feeling more settled and grounded because you’re looking at the fruits of your labor.

How’s Hiring?

Some sectors of our economy are in over-drive hiring mode, some are crashing, and some are holding steady. Clearly, for many environments hiring has slowed. Job searching is on the minds of so many people; it was prior to this upheaval, and now … well we know so many are being affected by lay-offs. First I want to say that we will get through this. Those of you who lived through deep recessions in the past, as well as the upheaval of 9/11, know that we can survive, and even thrive during and after disasters. Key to this is using this time to prepare for your job search by effectively updating your resume, LinkedIn profiles, and cover letter and strategically looking for the jobs you want. You may also start working on your own plan to be a consultant; many companies are laying people off, and sometimes this means you can even be hired back as a part-time consultant.

Networking…Now?

This is also the time to be tactfully networking via already established networks, or reaching out to new people being sure to check in first with respectful care, and then your reason for reaching out. We have all experienced the kindness that this disaster has brought out in so many people; perhaps it’s only ‘softening the edges’ of some but people want to help. Let others help as they can, and let them know what that looks like for you. Your job is to do your research to find where you can add the most value. How do you know your value? Look at how you’ve done what you’ve done and consider how you can add value elsewhere. Manage your expectations and also get creative as you look; brainstorming with others about what you have to offer often helps us to see who we are and how we do what we do. Don’t expect ‘head hunters’ to be the ones who help you; their job is to source people for jobs that tend to be hard to fill. They aren’t on the look-out for jobs for you, but rather are looking to fill the needs of the companies that have hired them. If someone says they’ll do the search for you do not fall for it. They will ask you for money for this service and it’s unlikely you’ll reap a reward from that investment.

Julie and I are holding another free call on Thursday, April 2^nd at 9am pacific/12 est https://zoom.us/j/3260630323 You can stay quiet on the call or let yourself be heard and seen. We’ve heard how good it is to hear others and their experiences, and the conversations that have arisen. We don’t have to be alone with the questions, and everyone can contribute to the answers.

Please share if there are others who would benefit from this. Let me know if you have questions or ideas to share.

Have you ever woken up, or laid awake at night, or sat at your desk with the thought ‘Ugh. What am I doing? I’m not living up to my potential like [fill in the blank with names of others you admire]. What am I doing with my life?’

This is one of the cruelest thought tunnels you can get lost in. Possibly, it’s worse if someone else you know – a parent, a friend or spouse – tells you, or alludes to, this belief about you. I know. I’ve been there – on all accounts. It’s awful.

I’ve really wondered about this phrase because I’ve heard it so many times; what does ‘your potential’ mean? That because you’re educated, clever, funny, attractive, got a good mind and heart you should ‘be someone?’, ‘do something extra-ordinary?’, ‘make more than a million dollars?’ Your potential just seems like a loaded couple of very loaded words. Truly, the only times I’ve heard those words are when someone says they aren’t living up to their potential, also known as their (or someone else’s) expectations.

Having worked with thousands of people over the past 30 years, I have heard many versions of toxic expectations that have simply stopped people in their tracks. Yes, we need our expectations to motivate us and to sometimes even inspire us. But it’s a fine line – expectation turns to shaming turns to paralysis pretty dang fast.

Our expectations can be an insidious trap that have us thinking ill or ourselves and/or others; I still get stuck in this trap, but I’ve been working on it for a while now so I’ve gotten much more savvy at using some effective techniques to open the jagged jaws of said trap to let myself out of it. I was witness to a client’s nasty expectations the other day, so I was inspired to share my thoughts and suggestions with you in case you’re stuck in this place yourself.

Letting go of Living Up to My Potential Thinking ~ LUMPT ~

1. Get to know what being slimed by LUMPT feels like.

This is what it feels like for me, and I’ve heard clients talk about it this way, too:

Energy drains out of your body, you feel glued to your bed, the chair you’re sitting in, the floor you’re lying on; you can’t stop feeling like you’ve let someone down, can’t figure out what you did wrong but you know nothing feels right. You might feel confused and foggy. Sleepy. And you may believe you’re a loser, you somehow haven’t gotten things right, and it feels like getting things right is a long way off. Doubt prevails. Why? Because you aren’t living up to your potential. Personally, I’ve also felt slimed because someone else threw their idea of who I was supposed to be for them. This is important because this can happen a lot. Other people’s voices and faces can get in your head about who they think you’re supposed to be for them, or others. That’s on them…not you. The slimed feeling will go away when you get clear: You get to decide if you want to be who others want you to be, and then figure out how you’re going to do you and be that person. If you don’t want to be that person, you need to know that.

• In order to get clear about what’s you or someone else you must pay attention to messages from your body, your thoughts, feelings and moods so you can distinguish what’s right for you and what’s someone else’s stuff.

• Once you’re aware of LUMPT, consider your choices.

You can stay stuck where you are, or you can get cleaned up. This really is your choice! You can get to know the slime and the clunkiness and ickyness. You can also kindly look at what’s just triggered this experience and ask yourself some good questions like: What just happened that’s making me feel this way? What thoughts am I having that’s making me feel this way? Did I just talk with someone, see someone or something that triggered this? Are my thoughts stuck in a project or conversation that’s not going the way I want? What would help me to release these feelings so I can move again?

Often, talking honestly with another person will help with this release, but you need to be willing to be honest about how you’re feeling. Or, take a little time to consider what your expectations really are about who you’re supposed to be.

Let me give you an example of a client who was stuck in some beliefs that were tormenting her. A 29 year old woman came into my office who was panicked. She was 29, very well groomed, very slim, hoping to be engaged (she did have the boyfriend) to be married soon. She wanted for herself: to be 30 and married, get her MBA immediately, make $300K and have 3 children by the time she was 35. Just getting the MBA would take time, and there was a wedding to pull together, and honestly, just acclimating to one baby takes time. [If this sounds like you I promise it isn’t! This was from over a decade ago!] She was panicked and wanted help…How was she going to get this all done? Think people don’t really think this way?? They do.

So…check yourself now that you’ve read this. Does this sound like – Eh, no problem, she can pull it off easily? Or do you see anything a little off here? Let’s see if we can step back to get some perspective… what is this young woman hoping she will actually feel like while she’s living this particular dream life. What is the real goal in being this person? PS: we did discuss this at length; She broke down crying, recognizing that this was her boyfriend’s version of what he wanted and expected of her. She had to take some time to decide if this version of life was what she really wanted. Most of it, she decided, she did want, and then decided how to take steps forward to make that happen.

• Expect Messy. Life is messy and so are humans. You are human. The more we can accept this, the less challenged we will be by said messiness.

We need our visions and hopes for how we want to see our life unfold. This is what gets us up in the morning, dreaming of what’s ahead and moving towards it. What stops us from effectively moving forward ~ with some gusto ~ can be our over-reaching expectations, stubbornly expecting to see things happen just as we want. Getting slimed by LUMPT (ours or others of us), and feelings of disappointment, can often lead to missing other opportunities that present themselves. Being able to investigate your thoughts, know when you’re in the grip of expectation of yourself or others, and being able to offer some acceptance and encouragement to find new ways to do you, will go a long way to recalibrating, to find new ways of getting what you want, and to being your own unique version of yourself.

Hunting for work is tough…No matter what. In most cases, the job search is happening because you’re 1) out of work, 2) feeling stuck at your current position and want to move up and into more challenging work, 3) need more money, 4) are moving to a new place, 5) can’t stand your boss or the politics at work. All of these situations come with their own stressors. Even if you’re just ready for new challenges and are ready to move up and out, looking for a new job without the pressure of needing to move – it still isn’t easy!

Whether you recognize it or not, the very act of job searching makes anyone feel vulnerable. From the online search, to asking friends (or others we don’t even consider friends) and family for advice or help, from dusting off the resume, to the awkwardness of being interviewed… pretty much all of it just puts you at the mercy of others. There are those unique few who get more offers than they can keep up with, but they, too have to go through some hoops to actually seal the new job deal. Essentially, job hunting puts you entirely out there on other people’s terms. And that is not comfortable.

What’s really going on here? I’m a believer in investigating the truth of feelings and beliefs, so let’s dig a little deeper into why the job search makes you feel vulnerable, and then address a few ways to fight these often debilitating feelings of insecurity, so you can tackle your search with confidence and gusto that feels so much better. 

Uncertainty

As I mentioned above, most job searches are done out of necessity. If you’re stable and happy where you are, you probably wouldn’t be looking for a new job. Instead, searching for work is just one piece of what you’re going through – and that can make a whole chunk of your life feel uncertain. We humans don’t like uncertainty. Period.

Wanting to know what’s next and how it’s going to happen, and what the days will look like, and what the money will be.  You want to know, and know sooner than later. Uncertainty feels scary, and not being in charge of the outcome makes you feel vulnerable. You can’t help but wonder what will happen if you can’t figure out the next step, or if the step you take is the wrong one. You might even start to question how to take that next step at all…feeling like you simply have no clue about how to get started.

Putting Yourself Out There with Little Feedback

For most people, searching for a job involves responding to job postings, submitting online applications, and then getting very few responses – if any. Online job sites like Indeed.com and LinkedIn might appear to make things easier than going door-to-door with your resume, but it also means sifting through pages upon pages of search results, looking for what fits your needs, and sending out a totally impersonal email/resume/submission form. It also means you’re responding to what’s out there, not creating or designing what you want. I know this can all start to feel fruitless. You’re just sending away cover letters and applications, but when you aren’t hearing much back, the hopelessness (and the vulnerability that comes with it) starts to set in.

Even if you are getting some calls back, interviewing for positions is surely tough on the nerves. There’s nothing else like the social interaction of a job interview…except maybe dating – another big vulnerability experience! — and if you aren’t selected, it can feel defeating.

The point is that the whole process of job searching is an exercise in going out on a limb. You’re putting yourself out there every step of the way, and of course that’s going to make you feel vulnerable. Here are some ways you can alleviate those feelings, so you can keep going with energy and resilience.

Look For The Good and Be a Good Coach to Yourself

Vulnerability doesn’t necessarily feel great – but it is, in a way, good for you. Stretching into the unknown is how we grow. When you’re feeling these kinds of emotions, it forces you to dig deep to go for what you want. In order to move on, you have to be uncomfortable enough to say it’s time to move, and hold a vision that’s compelling enough to keep inspiring you to take action to get to that better place. This vision is what keeps you motivated and energized through the feelings of uncertainty and vulnerability.

I know that this kind of vulnerability can be tough when you feel like you’re leaning on others for support; but this is what our loved ones are there for…hopefully all of us can share our foibles and fears and get at least some of the encouragement we need and desire. Additionally, though, It’s from this kind of challenge that we all can learn more about ourselves, what’s really important to us. You come to know your inner resilience and deeper motivators. I’ve heard clients learn to internalize encouraging words; they learn to recognize and remember their strengths, skills and gifts to continue to internally, and externally, promote themselves to keep at it. This is challenging for a lot of people; it’s not about bragging, but about seeing clearly what you have, in your own unique way, to contribute. Knowing yourself is part of your personal power. Stretching into owning this, and knowing how to talk about yourself and what you have to offer, genuinely, is empowering.

Don’t Take it Personally

When you’re the one looking for a job, it’s easy to think only about yourself. YOU need work. YOU are feeling vulnerable because of the “put yourself out there” nature of the process…

But employers have so much more going on. A lack of response, or not being selected after an interview may feel awful, but it’s all about you. Taking this view might help you feel a little less vulnerable. In fact, I find that the hiring process usually just points out how inefficient the process is. Unfortunately, hiring has become quite un-humane. It’s the process, not necessarily you. But do your part, and do it well. Follow up if you don’t hear back, send thank you notes to those who have helped with the process. Keep in touch. Don’t hold a grudge. You never know when you’ll run into the person you interviewed with in another context.

Keep Going

One way or another, if you keep at it, you’ll find your next opportunity. The only way this won’t happen is if you don’t take action. Yes, you might need to get some professional advice about your resume or other aspects of your job search; but this is a good investment in the long run. Remember how you’ve landed other jobs, remember other times you felt vulnerable and uncertain, and how you pushed through. You’ve made it this far, through other applications and interviews, other difficult job searches, and so much more – and you’re still here! In fact, you’re likely stronger and more experienced because of it. Brene Brown shares that vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity…out of this discomfort comes something real and strong. Let your strength and courage show up for you. Expect the unexpected. It’s going to happen because of your efforts.

Burnout is real. Sometimes people don’t recognize what their burnout is. If you’re feeling cynical, bored, and exhausted, like you just can’t muster the creative mindset you once had, focus on anything for very long at all…you’re probably in the midst of experiencing burnout. This kind of exhaustion or dullness can be debilitating, and is usually kept secret from employers until the damage has been done.

If this sounds like you, trust that you’re not alone. A Gallup poll of 7500 employees found that 23% of participants feel burnt out all the time, and 44% feel burnt out at least some of the time. Other studies cite that as much as 60% of workplace absenteeism is related to stress and burnout, with 40% of employees considering quitting their jobs because of these feelings. This is a BIG problem and if you’re avoiding looking at it, it’s only going to make it worse. Not doing something about burnout is only taking you, and your creativity and productivity further down a hole.

I decided to write about this topic now because I talk to so many people – women and men – who are creative, productive, responsible people who love to achieve, see results, be known for doing a good job…but they are burnt out to the point that they’ve had to step away from their work all together. The work they once loved took over their life, their sleep, their health so that they literally had to leave the workforce to heal. Lack of sleep, inability to sleep, irritability, hormone imbalances, anxiety and depression led these great people to a place they weren’t sure they could come back from. The people I’ve worked with have come back from this place on the edge, but would they say it was worth it to get to this place? Nope.

Burnout Symptoms Are Sneaky

We all experience burnout a little bit differently and depending on messages you get from your bosses, colleagues, family and friends, it can be easy to think the experiences you’re feeling are just your issues, your lack of being able to ‘step up’ and do what everyone else can do. Acknowledging your awareness of these symptoms is key to being able to see what’s happening so you can take care of yourself before your physical and emotional health has taken too much of a hit. Sometimes, also, burnout shows up for people who aren’t in a traditional workplace, but are caretakers of children, or elderly, or others who are ill. If you think you shouldn’t be feeling the way you feel, you might want to take a break from that ‘shoulding’ and instead take some time to simply recognize what’s happening for you.

1. Exhaustion

There are plenty of reasons to feel tired, especially in our overworked, over-achieving, often perfectionistic society but if you find yourself feeling exhausted every time you sit down to do your work – no matter how well you’re sleeping or what other steps you’re taking to maintain your energy – you might be suffering from burnout. A great cup of coffee is a staple for most of us, but if you’re depending on several cups of joe or other energy drinks, or other supplements, then you know something’s up. Burning out your adrenals – keeping your level of adrenalin for too long every day – results in a deep, abiding kind of exhaustion. That drained kind of feeling that steals your focus, makes you wonder if you’re losing your mind because you can’t retain thoughts or find words, may have you wondering how you’re going to change your life because you don’t have the energy to look for a job or get clear about what else you can do with your life. You forget why you ever liked this work, and lose confidence that you know what you’re doing at all. You look at all the work coming your way, a never ending pile-on of projects and deadlines and well, you get the idea. It just doesn’t seem possible to tackle it all.

But who do you turn to? Your boss? Your colleagues who are similarly stressed? Your family? How do you get out?

2. Poor Performance

When it’s hard to focus, it’s hard to do good work. Maybe you notice the quality of your work (whatever that work may be) just isn’t that good anymore. You’re taking longer to get things done, you’re missing important details, falling behind on deadlines, and simply not taking the amount of care you normally would. While no one is perfect, and even the best of us make mistakes, burnout causes another level of inefficiency entirely. And if you’re an achiever this compounds your own feelings of inadequacy and frustration. The cycle is in full swing.

3. Cynicism

One the most insidious symptoms of burnout is a slow creeping feeling of cynicism. You start to feel these negative feelings about your work, your career path, your team, your boss and you’re a bear to be around at home.  You may find yourself doubting the validity or your work, and your ability to get it done in the first place. You start to feel some contempt or hostility toward your boss(es), your clients, and anyone else pushing you toward the work that has you feeling burnt out.

Your loved ones are probably worried about and for you; encouraging you to make a change of some sort. But you’re in the hole, not enough time to do the things you know will make you feel better – a good walk or run in the mornings, going to the yoga classes you always loved, the family dinner time you’ve missed for too long.

What Can You Do About It? Four Steps to Alleviate Burnout

You can make a new choice, and take actions that can turn this situation around. Here are four steps you can take to recover, reframe your attitude, and reprioritize so you can get back to feeling like that person you like to be at work and at home. But keep in mind that this stuff can take time, so be patient with the process…

1. Recognize What’s Happening

Just being honest with yoursel,f and others, about what’s happening for and to you can offer relief. Recognizing that you do have choices – even if you don’t think you do – puts you back in control of your life. Take a real look for ways to make changes and take the Yea Buts out of the conversation. There is always a way.

2. Get New Tasks

Part of burnout comes from repetition. If you work for someone else, discuss new possible responsibilities, suggest new ways to shake up your day-to-day. Look at what others in your office are doing and see if there’s a way to transfer to another area if possible. If you work for yourself, spend time developing new or different areas of your business; look for interns or others who can take on the most draining aspects of the business. If you’re a creative – your creative output is how you make a living — then you know you have to feed your inner landscape in order to get that juice to create…look to #3, below…

3. Reprioritize

You won’t be able to get that juice back if you aren’t making some sort of time for your healthy mind and body. Period. Look at your diet – if you aren’t eating nourishing food your body will let you know. If you aren’t getting the exercise that will help you to sleep, your body will let you know. If you aren’t managing your stress with periods of being in nature, or at least outside, in a surroundings that brings some sort of pleasure, your body and spirit will let you know. Ask yourself what you need and listen. While a couple of weeks in Hawaii would be great, you can get small doses of nature or calm, to get a bit of peace that can help you with a perspective. Scheduling quiet breaks – especially if you’re an introvert – can go a long way to recharging during your day.

3. Say No (When You Can)

We can’t be all things to all people. Find out if meetings are essential for you to attend…If it isn’t critical, say no! Protect your time and your priorities by being honest about your workload, delegating tasks as you’re able to, and standing up for yourself when another project threatens to pile onto your already overloaded plate.

4. Do What You Love – I  know, I know…

This may be easier said than done, but if you aren’t doing something you care about, the potential for burnout is sky high. If things are bad enough, maybe it’s time to consider a new profession (or at least a new place of work). If that’s just not an option, think about ways you can invest your time into more fulfilling projects. You may find a new side hustle that blossoms into a career of its own.

If you’ve been feeling burnt out, the first step is to be honest with yourself. Acknowledge that things aren’t going well (and how common that is??), and don’t beat yourself up for it. Instead, start with small steps, focus on doing what you love, and gradually adjust your day-to-day to reclaim your well-being, your passion,  and your sanity. If this sounds like you, and you want and need help figuring out next steps, let’s have a short call. Having a third-party expert —  someone who isn’t a friend or family member — can help you gain perspective and see options you can’t, and find the action steps to take to change things up for more a more satisfying life that supports your goals.

What Do You Want?

Do you feel like you still don’t know what you want to do when you grow up? You’re not alone. While actual statistics of the number of career changers is hard to pin down, roughly 30% of adults 25-44 are looking to make a career change! This aligns with my recent client stats; the average age of my male client is 35, and it’s 37 years old for my female clients, with a 50/50 split male and female. This includes the 50-somethings who are ready for a wholesale life change, and the 25-year-old folks who think they’ve already fallen WAY behind. Some of us are just seekers, always looking for new ways of creating and delivering something of value, so the word career is somewhat amorphous for them.

There’s Always a Way

It’s way too easy to believe there’s no way you’re ever going to get where you think you want to be, and this creates a lot of mental fog, and stuckness. We are hardwired to find the negative; this is how we’ve survived as a species. So, if we want to break out to make any kind of change that may look risky (and this is different for each of us) we’re going to have to think differently, do differently, and take some actions that feel uncomfortable. With intelligent preparation and reality testing though, anyone can make strategic moves to make valuable and worthwhile career and life changes. I’ve seen people do lots of cool stuff that change their lives, so I know there’s truly always a way to get where we want to go – even if some of the changes that show up aren’t what we expected or wanted

Enter 2020

I’m hearing a lot of buzz about how powerful 2020 is going to be for everyone. Obviously it’s an election year, but it’s also the start of a new decade. Think back on where you were at the start of other new decades…I find mine have all been marked by major shifts in my life. How about you? How will you make the most of this upcoming New Year?

Get Ready for Something New with this Checklist

Use this Checklist of things to do to begin to get ready to find what you’re looking for in 2020.

1. Clear some space so you can be open to do a mental and emotional download. Maybe that means taking a walk in your neighborhood or sitting down to meditate with the intention of settling your nervous system. Maybe you need a good run or workout first. Whatever it is for you, clear your mental space, and then find a comfortable place to write.
2. Start getting whatever logical or illogical thoughts you have about what you’d like to see for yourself down on paper – just do a written download without stopping. A trip around the world? Start a new business? Change jobs to a new higher title and pay? Get married and move to another city (even if you don’t know anyone you want to marry or which city you’d want to move to). Whatever it is that comes up, get it down on paper. If you get stuck, ask yourself what’s in the way? and let your non-dominant hand do the writing. This can give you some interesting new information!
3. Now ask yourself what you’d need to do, or not do, to have any of these come to some sort of fruition. Again, if you get stuck, get that non-dominant hand in on the action.
4. Now look through your writing and pull out apparent themes so you’ll now have larger Intentions to help guide your way. You may also find specific goals that have emerged. This can look like: Complete a course or new degree which can live under the Intention of Learn Something New, or Develop my Expertise in —–; I choose to lose a certain amount of weight can live under the Intention of Be Physically Every Day.
5. Chunk this info down into simple statements to keep in daily view – whether at your desk or your bathroom mirror, you’ll want to be reminded of these intentions as you move through the year.

Finding what you want is often allusive; but remember that, usually, when you get what you want, you then go on to want something else. Human nature! I keep in mind, and appreciate, Ralph Waldo Emerson’s wise quote, All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. Keep looking!Let me know if I can support you as you take smart steps to find what you’re looking for; I can be found at www.DaisySwan.com

What Does It Mean to Manage Up?

The concept of managing up can be a bit tricky. For a simple definition, we can look at it in two related ways: on the one hand, it’s taking action to make leadership’s jobs easier, and on the other, it’s about managing your manager with feedback and solutions.

Both sides of this definition look pretty much the same. As a valuable team member, it’s important to be proactive, to follow through, and to adhere to organizational policies. The closer team members follow management’s vision, the more neatly they fit together like cogs in a machine…But is that always a good thing?

Putting too much focus on managing up, and thereby satisfying the wishes of the leaders of your organization at any cost, can quickly turn you into a pushover – a proverbial “yes wo/man” who doesn’t resist against bad ideas, or speak up when results aren’t going as well as they could be…

You want your team and organization to run smoothly, and you want to help management steer the ship in the right direction, but how can you show up authentically and approach managing up so that you aren’t a total pushover?

Here are 4 tips to be you and be someone your boss respects for your honesty and reliability.

1.     Communicate Clearly

The better you can hone your communication skills, the more effective you’ll be as a conduit between management and the rest of the team. You’ll be helping them by ensuring their message is conveyed to coworkers, and protecting yourself from being “pushed over” by articulating honest feedback about management’s ideas.

If you’re honest and clear, you can establish a relationship of trust with leaders – and that trust will help them value what you have to say. Instead of being expected to take their instructions as gospel, your counterpoints or alternative ideas will have more value.

Obviously, it takes time to establish a trusting relationship, but really that’s what it’s all about. It doesn’t have to be a matter of rank or status. Instead, use clear communication and interpersonal skills to foster an environment of collaboration, where team feedback is as important as managerial decision making.  

2. Offer Ideas and Perspective

Beyond providing feedback or constructive criticism about initiatives or policies in place, take the extra step to generate ideas of your own. Even if they aren’t implemented, being a source of fresh thinking helps the entire organization, and further establishes you as a person willing to do more than simply follow instructions.

Be respectful or boundaries, of course, and don’t just take over your department – but by showing initiative and ideas, you’re less likely to be seen as someone who can be steamrolled. When you notice problems, bring your manager solutions – not just complaints about what’s wrong. Similarly, when you see something going really well, or someone really producing well, bring that to your manager so they can recognize the person or team for the wins.

3.     Pick Your Battles

If you’re constantly butting heads with your manager, you’ll be known as a contrarian, as someone who doesn’t have the overall wellbeing of the organization in mind. You may not agree with everything your leadership suggests or does, but it’s important to figure out what’s worth fighting over. Yes you won’t necessarily want to go with every idea management offers, but fighting back against every little thing DOES make you a problematic team member – and that’s the opposite of managing up.

Only you can know what’s worth speaking up about, what you can let slide, and where you can offer a new perspective without being too challenging. Once directions or decisions have been made, go with what that decision is. If you even quietly resist once decisions have been made, you’ll be known as difficult.

4.     Understand Your Role, and Own It

We each have a position to fill in our organizations, and the more you understand where you fit, the more you’ll see how integral you are to the whole. Instead of trying to be everything to everyone, double down on doing your particular job as well as you possibly can.

The more ownership you show, the less micromanaged (hopefully) you’ll be, and the more freedom you’ll have to find the best way to do the work you know intimately.

As  a trusted resource, you’ll free up management to focus on other areas – and isn’t that what we all want, really? Someone we know can free us up to be our best?

Being a team player doesn’t have to mean being a pushover.

The very idea of managing up means acting like a manager, even if it isn’t your official role. Self-management, problem solving, and taking initiative are all part of a manager’s job – but so are understanding interpersonal dynamics, knowing when to push and when to let things slide, and perhaps most importantly, making decisions for the good of the organization. The more you do those things – and help leaders do the same – the more prepared you’ll be to take on greater leadership roles in the future.

A client recently shared that she was working a lot of hours on the very work she wanted to get away from. ‘The projects just keep coming so I can’t get away from them’, she shared. I can’t walk away from the work. ‘I feel like I’m getting further away from my creativity,’ she sighed. ‘It’s making me depressed.’ 

Yep. That’s right. That’s exactly what happens when we aren’t being who we really are. Period. The best thing any of us can do when that feeling of dark dread shows up is to get curious, to pay attention and then get down to creating our real strategy for movement from what’s taking us down, towards what really motivates us.

I’m very familiar with depression, and I’ve learned a lot from mine. Those days when I went to work feeling myself armored in clothing that didn’t feel like me, tucking my passions (and my emotions) away so I could do what I needed to do all day until I got back to what really mattered after work. I spent time visualizing my dream job, my dream working space, my dream clients and work days; I familiarized myself with how I would feel when I would do what I knew I had to do. This didn’t come all in one fell swoop…it actually all came together in a rather iterative process, culled over time, through conversations with myself and others, during trainings and commutes, writing sessions, walks and lots of meditation sessions. And then, of course, the timing of things had to be right, and certain pieces need to show up to make the picture complete and then….there it was. My right life. [And for full transparency, personally, I’ve done this several times to tweak my right life. It’s not a one and done kind of thing.]

You can do this too, but you need to listen to your wisdom, to your depression, your pain, your pleasure, your dream and know it’s all true. If you don’t listen to you, you won’t get your right fit.

Would you buy shoes that were two sizes too big or small, and insist walking around in them every day, all day? No, you wouldn’t, unless….unless someone else (or a bunch of people you thought you could trust) told you that this is the way it’s done and this is the way shoes should fit, that this is what everyone else does. I know it takes a lot of courage to look, to feel, and sometimes to really believe in those feelings and thoughts. A lot of people just complain. They complain to anyone who will listen. The bravery is in the getting busy with finding the way to do you.

Want to get brave? Here’s the plan.

1. Listen to you. And then write down what you hear. Not the stuff that’s just your critical mind. You are more than your judgements. Go deeper than that mental chatter.
2. Write down those ideal scenarios. Look at the obstacles and look at how to get around, through or over them.
3. Find the right person or people, books or classes to help you be brave. This may take time but you can do it.
4. Do it

Ready or not, summer is officially over with the upcoming Labor-Day Weekend. I remember when I lived in NYC years ago, and had a share in a summer house on Shelter Island; I remember the slow, hot crawl of a bumper-to-bumper trafficky drive back into the city on Labor Day’s Monday night. We were all feeling the so-called Sunday night blues…knowing that we were going back to work the next day… those summer days behind us. Maybe you’ve had your pedal to the metal all summer long, but even so summer just has a different vibe.

So now it’s time for that September re-set. How about a re-set that inspires you so that as September glides into place we come back to school (it always feels like school again, right?) and regular schedules feeling re-energized, with our sights set on ending this year with personal and professional goals accomplished?

What’s Your Re-set Strategy?

Are you one of the people who’s been waiting for summer to end before lining up your thoughts about what’s next? Been thinking that summer’s the slow time for hiring, so you’ve put off getting your job search strategy in place? Understandably, you might have opted for that much needed vacation time to recover and process; to enjoy the longer days and summer activities and travel before being ready to envision the rest of your year. But now September, unbelievably, is upon us. Here are some ways to ease back in to un-summer life without feeling the end-of-summer-blues.

Re-Energize Your Daily Life with These 4 Actions:

1. Prioritize what will help you have the most productive days ahead. Create accountability for yourself by getting important activities into your calendar. Depending on where you are in your life, your September may already have Back-to-School nights on your calendar, or maybe holiday celebrations to plan. But this could also be the time to commit to attending a conference, a new Meetup group, or a Ted-X event to re-energize your career and contacts.

• Check out class offerings at extension schools at local universities or community colleges, or check out the tech boot-camps at places like General Assembly or Flatiron School Access Labs (and so many others) to ramp up new career direction options.

• Resolve to take really good care of you and your mental/emotional self for the rest of the year. If you’re one of the millions of people who are struggling with overwhelm and anxiety, you can take better care of yourself by learning how to quiet your mind and your body. Find a community of people who are smart and motivated, and similarly want to achieve a better sense of balance and calm. In LA, you can find mindfulness classes taught by UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center teachers at MARC.UCLA.edu, or go to one of the meditation studios like MNDFL in New York City, or any of the hundreds of meditation centers and studios cropping up across the country. You might also want to attend a retreat – like the Women’s Empowerment Retreat I’m hosting in Costa Rica December 2-7^th – where you can have fun, be with other people, in a beautiful place, and also learn some new ways to connect with yourself, learning new strategies to bring home to continue living that balance and authenticity.

• Create that vision for yourself of where you want to be going. What does your next job, or way of working, need to look like? Create a list of the skills and actions that keep you feeling energized and in your zone of genius. If you know you’re doing too much of the work that drags you down, and not enough of what lights you up, then it’s definitely time to find, propose, or create the job (or company) you need to be doing. Let that vision pull you to what’s next. Start sharing that vision with others – if they’re the people that will encourage you to take steps towards that vision. If they aren’t those supporters, don’t say a thing, and get busy finding the people who see what you see.

Let September be the motivating month that gets you back into the groove of doing your best work. Find those actions and people who energize you, and who have your back as you achieve what you know will help you to feel like your best self.

We all want to move onward and upward.

New job titles, pay raises, increased responsibilities – most of us that are growth minded seek these things out, but they can be hard to find in your existing workplace.

Even if there’s some upward mobility at your current job, the research is pretty clear that people who change companies see bigger raises and bigger “jumps” in title, even if the actual responsibilities of the job don’t change much. It makes perfect sense, too.

If you’ve been at one company for a while, and percentage-based raises are the norm, you’ll eventually stagnate (or close to it). The average raise rate in 2018 was 3.1%, and inflation was 2.44% – which isn’t a whole lot more money in your account. On the other hand, changing jobs means starting over with a new rate/salary, usually one that’s higher than your previous employer offers.

Now, this isn’t to say that you should quit outright, or that money is the only factor that determines a worthwhile job. You don’t have to chase more money with another company if you’re happy where you are. Understand, though, that if you feel the need to make more, to move up the ranks, to take on new titles and responsibilities, your best bet is to look elsewhere.

Long gone are the days where people were expected to work a 30-year career for the same business. Today, many people are changing companies every 2 or 3 years. What used to be a blight on resumes is now common – with a whole list of companies and titles, and people proud of the breadth of their experience. Employers are seeing this as the new norm, with more and more companies expecting both diverse work history and higher rates of turnover.  

So, if you want to move up, you might have to move on – plenty of others are. 

Loyalty and stability are important, sure, but when a job is no longer serving your career or your other life goals, it’s okay to make a move to the next thing. We’re all changing and growing all the time, and our careers should be too. Waiting for promotions that never happen, settling for minimal wage increases, or fighting against ceilings of opportunity are ultimately a waste of time and potential.

It’s hard to know exactly when to move on, and big changes can be scary – especially when they involve your livelihood. This, however, is yet another area where your intuitions and reflections can help show you the best path for you. Know that making more money and taking the next step in your career path will likely require a move to a new company, and carefully consider if that is the right choice. It’s all about how ready you are to move upward – and only you can truly know the answer to that.

Weigh the stability and fulfillment of your current work against the prospect of higher pay and more clout. Similarly, weigh the anxiety and transition time of starting a new job against your level of satisfaction re staying where you are. If you’re ready to move on, you’ll find it in your own reflections.

The data doesn’t lie. Changing jobs is often more lucrative than staying put. There’s likely more opportunity in going somewhere new, but you have to decide when you’re ready to make the move.