You know those days when you’ve got a big meeting, or you’re heading to an interview or a networking function and you just don’t really feel like you’ve got the juice?? I know those days and times, and I’m a pretty cheerful person most of the time. No matter if you’re an extrovert or introvert, there are just those times when you’d rather crawl into your shell and lay low rather than step into that bright light and SHINE.

Here are a few tips to help you successfully be your best self even on those low-luster days…

• Remember a few of your favorite things…Yes. Just like in Sound of Music. When we bring to mind the people or activities that make us feel good we can actually start to feel better. Thinking of a loved one and imagining giving them a gift that they are happy about, or a time you’ve done that, can seriously shift your mood! I went through a whole root canal imagining my son as a baby and it SO helped me 😀
• Remember what you’re doing this for. IE, What’s your why? You’re having this meeting because you need this person to know about your new offer because you’re passionate about the business you’re involved in. Or because you’re ready for the next challenge in your life. Look for your real why and let it help you feel the love.
• Stand up straight and take a few big steps forward. Maybe I sound like your Mom right now and if so good on her. Standing up straight and walking with intention is energizing. Really. Do it now and you’ll see.
• Listen to something or someone funny. When I was going through a really dark time I kept listening to comedians who cracked me up while I was driving. I made myself do it. The laughs I had in my car were such important punctuation marks in my days…sometimes we can do without NPR and be better off.
• Know your stuff. Make a mental or written list of what you know, and have done, and why you’re the person to be out there talking about what you’re talking about. This is why I do so much interview prep with clients…when you sit down across the table from someone you need to be the person behind yourself. Be ready by knowing examples of how you’ve done what you’ve done, why you’re passionate about what you’re doing, or what you can bring to this particular party.

I hope you’re feeling better having simply read this. But try a couple of these and I bet you’ll be in a whole new frame of mind. Honest.

Helping with Your Career Development for 15 Years!

Greetings for a hot summer week! I hope you, like me, are enjoying your summer regardless of (or because of) the heat! While I’ve been enjoying summer, I’ve also been hard at work thinking about new programs to offer to help with career clarity and satisfaction. I’ve been listening hard to what my clients are processing, changing and living through. There continue to be patterns that I noticed years ago when I first launched my website in 2003! Hard to believe I’ve had my website up for 15 years now, and have been busily working with people of all ages to maneuver through their career quandaries for almost thirty years!

For years I had featured on my website my perspective about what I called the LifeStages – patterns I noticed my clients were experiencing at various times in their lives. I think it’s worth sharing these here again because they continue to be obvious to me. Perhaps you’ll be able to see yourself in one, or even a few of these LifeStages. Because life has become even faster paced then when I first wrote about this, almost 10 years ago, I notice that there’s more blending of these stages now. You’ll see there is some age oriented chronology here, but you may also notice that you may be older but feel like you’re at the Beginning Lifestage, again. Or you may be younger, a Millennial, and feel like Authenticity is what resonates.

Take a read and see where you fit.

Beginning sounds like:

• I don’t know where to start. I’m so confused about how I’ll get all of the things I want in my life; it’s so overwhelming.
• What do I want to do with my life?
• Should I go to graduate school? Now or later?
• Where should I live?
• Which job should I take?
• What should I spend money on? I had no idea everything would be so expensive!
• I’ve been in this assistant position for a while; how do I know when it’s time to move on?
• How do I move on to a new job? I work all the time so I don’t know how to look for a new job and get this job done. How do I quit without burning bridges?
• I’ve got too many interests….I don’t know how to narrow down my options.

Roadblock sounds like:

• I’m looking at all of my friends and they’ve made more progress than me.
• I’ve just been laid off and feel discouraged. How do I get moving now?
• My wife just had a baby and we need to figure out how we’re going to juggle everything. I, or she, needs to find a new way of working so we can manage all of this.
• We just got married and I’m re-thinking what I want my career to look like.
• I’ve been working for 9 years and I’m burnt out and frustrated. Is this what I’m going to do for the rest of my life?
• I thought I would have accomplished some major milestones by now, but I haven’t.
• It’s time for a new job and lifestyle. I’ve just gone through a divorce and I need to change how I’m doing everything!
• I’m an associate in law/ accounting/advertising firm and I’m sick of it. What do I do now?

Authenticity sounds like:

• I’ve been through so much and have accomplished a lot; now I need to put things together so they really work for me.
• My life has recently changed (divorce, kids out of the house, married, remarried, finished further education) and I want to put my life together to create my ‘life’s work’.
• I need to let go of old ways of doing things and I don’t know how. I’m finally ready to make a change I’ve been thinking about for a while.
• I feel an excitement about doing something new with my life and work, but I don’t know what it needs to look like.
• I’ve put a lot of my life on hold for my family; now I’m really ready to do something fulfilling for me.
• I want to live a good life and make a lot of money. I finally know I can make this happen but I’m not exactly sure of the steps.

Wisdom sounds like:

• I’ve done a lot of things, and have achieved a level of success. Now I’m ready to try something really different, and meaningful, with my life.
• Who will want to hire me at my age?
• I’d like to work but not like I used to. I don’t have the need/desire/stamina to work the way I used to.
• My spouse has retired and has more time, but I need/like/want to keep working at something. How can this work?
• I feel like I have to do something with my life that is meaningful. If I’m ever going to do it, I have to do it now.
• I’m healthy, active and smart. Just because I’m older doesn’t mean I don’t want to work!

No matter what LifeStage you’re at, we can figure out new actions to get you on your right career path. And maybe career isn’t even the right term for you…Maybe it’s just finding out what the right lifestyle is for you – period. We can figure it out. If you want to have a free consultation to hear options for how we can work together shoot us an email at [email protected], or give a call at 877-872-3929.

Even the best employees have to say no once in a while.

We all want to be known as the person who can be counted on to deliver great work on time, every time. Not only does consistency make you a popular coworker, but it hopefully makes those above you take notice and helps you climb the career ladder faster.

But while saying yes to every request might make everyone happy (including yourself, in the short term), it isn’t always in your best interest. Sometimes, you need to say no.

“I had a client who really liked to be involved in a lot of things so she ended up taking on way more than she needed to,” says career coach Daisy Swan. “But at a certain point, it meant she was waking up at four in the morning to get work done. She was working a full day and into the evening. Finally, the words came out of her mouth: ‘I’m miserable.’”

To better understand when it’s appropriate to push back at work (and when it isn’t), we asked Swan to share some tips and tricks.

Scenario: You’re a walking ball of stress and if you take on any more work you’re going to explode

If your boss asks you to take on a project and you know you just don’t have the time to get it done, it’s a good idea to ignore the impulse to scream, “NO, THERE’S NO TIME!”

“Wording really depends on the relationship, but you can ask, ‘Can you help me put this in perspective in terms of when this really needs to be done? Because right now, I’m not going to be effective if I take on more,’” Swan says. “By framing it that way, you’re letting them know that you want to do as good of a job as possible and you really need to understand the level of prioritization. It forces them to consider what’s most important.”

As humans, we generally don’t like to show weakness, so by putting the task of prioritization back on them, you’re sparing yourself from having to say, “I just can’t.”

“Try to stay as clear and emotionally clean as possible when having this kind of conversation,” Swan adds. “Keep it cool and composed, but also realize you’re not wrong to be asking for this clarification.”

She suggests reframing your relationship with your boss for this type of conversation.

“One of the things I think a lot of people struggle with in situations where they are overwhelmed is that … they feel like they don’t have a right to ask,” she says. “And so what this requires is being able to look at your supervisor almost like a peer, so that they can see you as an individual, not as a commodity.”

Scenario: You’re being asked to do a job and you disagree with it or how you’re being asked to do it

You’re good at your job, so you would think it would follow that you’d be trusted to know how to do your job well. As most of us have experienced, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes, you’re asked to do a task in a certain way, even though you feel sure you could do it more effectively your way.

Obviously saying “That’s a stupid idea” isn’t going to work. So, how do you voice your concerns?

“I think you have to ask yourself a lot of questions before you push back on a strategy,” says Swan. “Are you somebody who generally wants things to go in a different direction? Ask yourself: How many times have I butted heads with this person? And is it safe for me, at this point, to be in opposition? If there’s too much opposition, you could really get yourself into a situation you don’t want to be in.”

If you feel safe in your position and set in your view that a different strategy or plan would benefit everyone in the long run, then you better have your idea ready to share.

“You can’t just say, ‘No, I don’t like it,’” Swan says. “You have to have your alternative ready and your well-thought-out, bottom-line-driven reasons.”

Scenario: You just don’t want to

Just as “I don’t want to” didn’t work as an excuse when you were a kid, it’s not going to cut it at work.

“If you’re in a situation where it’s been made clear to you that they want it done and done a certain way, then you need to take care of it,” says Swan. For instance, sometimes things work their way down to you from your boss’ boss’ boss and you just have to do it. In those situations, it might be time to take one for the team and show your boss that you’re helping them. That can be the kind of favor you’ll be able to call in later.

Interview by Sara Nachlis

Twitter

Career Development and Educational Options Abound
Certificate programs, and other short terms classes, are now easy to find to help everyone update their technical, data, social media and e-commerce skills no matter where they are in their career trajectory. For example, General Assembly (GA), with local locations in Santa Monica and DTLA (and all across the USA) offers intensives that many of my clients have enrolled in to increase their skills and open new career doors as data scientists, data analysts, coders and product managers. My son actually attended GA in their intensive 12-week Data Science program over the summer before he went into his sophomore year. He’s now graduating from college with a great job doing work he loves, and has a bright future ahead in the Big Data world. Many other programs, often called Boot Camps, are available online and in other cities, that provide rigorous, hands-on training. UCLA Extension offers many excellent classes and certificates; USC’s Marshall School of Business, and other universities all over the US, have now created shorter term certificate programs to satisfy the needs of professionals who may need to update their skill set for the digital world we now live in.

Update, update update
If you’ve been following me for a while you know I am always encouraging learning. Learning anything new can stimulate new ideas, innovations, and opportunities of all kinds; being in a class can help you to meet new people and find important resources. Certainly, learning new skills that are specific to your work can help you reposition yourself in your organization, and the job market. One mid-career client with an MBA plus years of marketing experience had taken a step out of the workforce for family reasons. After taking a few UCLA Extension classes in social media marketing and SEO data analytics she was able to ‘talk the talk’ and found a great new job using her updated skills. However….

What Employers Really Want
These programs are not for everyone. Part of the reason I’m writing this blog is because I see some experienced clients taking certificate classes (prior to working with me) expecting/hoping to be welcomed into a new career path because of their new credential. GA, for example tries to provide hiring opportunities to it’s grads, but I know from clients that this often doesn’t come to pass. Yes, there’s a need for UX Designers, and more potential employees who understand Data Science and analytics, but someone with a 20+ career in marketing or TV production, or other unrelated career paths, will find that this job market is tough to break into with just a 6, 10 or 12-week program. I know it’s frustrating when you know you can do a job, but employers aren’t noticing you. They may not be so open to a career changer because they want someone with a proven track record, someone who knows how to grapple with the complex challenges of their particular space.

What Career Change Really Takes
My clients who have successfully made a career change into these more technical design and data oriented careers have used these programs as a spring board, but years of additional classes, networking, internships, and contract work have also been required on the road to an actual full-fledged job. It can be done, and it’s not a bad idea! But be prepared with a reality check and good research to know what to expect.

Make Smart Choices
I always stress how important it is to do your homework to know what you’re getting into before making a commitment to a new career path and the education it may require. If you’re looking into the future – at any age! — and have the feeling it’s time to update yourself and your skills but you’re not sure how, you’re in good company. We’ve got a lot of change ahead of us. This is great news if you love to learn! Let’s get you ready for your future successes now.

I want to share one of the top issues most of my clients and I discuss early on in their work with me. These scenarios, below, may sound like a familiar. If so, and you’re a former or current client, please don’t think I’m using your personal story here…it could be one of many of my clients!

Something happens. Something changes.

A client has been working in a particular job or industry for years. Could be 7 years, could be 20. Working diligently, head down, doing a good job, maybe really liking their work…but… something happens.

• There’s a re-org and they’re suddenly let go, or the client has gotten married and now they need to switch gears and find something that is more lucrative, or flexible for a new baby on the way,
• or maybe they’ve been traveling so much for work that it’s putting a strain on their marriage and family,
• or maybe the demands of senior management or the firm have just been ridiculously high and the only way to get more control of life is to move to a different kind of company
• some clients have horrid bosses who are demeaning as well as demanding so leaving the job is the only way to gain personal and professional control.
• In some cases, my clients are considering quitting their job just to do the job search because their work is so demanding and they feel so completely depleted that they can’t find the extra energy to do the job search.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Might you be afraid something like this could happen to you?

The fundamental issue here is that my clients have expected everything to go just as it has; they haven’t thought about Plan B, or how their skills could be put to other uses, or in other organizations. They haven’t looked at emerging trends in the workplace, or updated their skills to stay current. Usually, my clients haven’t done the often annoying work of updating their profile and connections on the now ubiquitous LinkedIn. They forgot to keep up with people they worked with earlier in their career, or with fellow grads from college or grad school, so that they’d learn about other ways of working, or new opportunities they might not otherwise hear of.

A strong offense is a good defense. Even in career management.

Being prepared and strategic as you look at your life and work is essential. You can think of your career management activities as an essential aspect of your healthcare. Spending time thinking about what might happen, researching and reading about new developments in other industries and re-connecting with those outside of your field is just smart life maintenance.

Jobs Job Jobs

I often hear of new opportunities that I share with clients and former clients. I also know (obviously) of people looking for jobs; smart, capable, creative people who are looking for new ways to work. If anyone is looking to fill a high level operations position, please share with me! I may know the right person for that position. I also work with younger clients who are trying to land that early career job so they can get the necessary 1-3 years of work experience to launch themselves.

Q&A

I’d like to provide answers to your career and job search questions. If you have any questions of your own (or from a friend) please email Angie and she’ll pass them to me. I’ll, now, be sending out a regular post to answer your pesky questions about work and job search.

Spring is here, longer lighter days are ahead. Here’s to making the most of everyday,

Daisy

Are Your Bored at Work?

Do you know when you’re bored? Do you make repeated trips to the fridge, find yourself leaving your desk to get coffee more than you really need to, stopping what you’re doing to chat with a co-worker? Maybe you’re spacing out, checking your phone and social media a lot, going through the motions in meetings, or even kicking up a little interpersonal drama with co-workers? Sounds like boredom to me. Boredom can actually be as stressful for us as over working. Either way we can become exhausted, demotivated and resentful.

The Perils and Possibilities of Boredom

Lately I’ve been hearing more clients talk about their boredom at work so I know it’s a trend. What worries me is that I heard this a lot from folks a year before The Great Recession…and I probably don’t need to tell you that after that clients either didn’t have a job, or they were stretched to the max doing three jobs at once. So let’s see what you can do to re-engage and make the most of where you are.

4 Strategies to Banish Boredom at Work

1) Awareness. You have to know what’s boring you to slay this dragon. Get clear about what aspects of the work you’re doing are dragging you down. Are you alone too much? Is the work repetitive? Too much detail when you’re a big picture person? Once you know the real issue you can figure out how to break this into a problem to solve.

2) Know why you’re doing this work. It can be easy to take our work for granted and start to have a ‘wandering eye’…the grass can look greener when we forget to appreciate what we have. Make an exhaustive list of what works for you in your job. What needs is this job fulfilling. Why are these important to you?

3) Take action to recommit to your job. If the list you made shows that this job is worth it to you, do what you can to approach your work with a fresh view. We can call this Beginners Mind – starting your job all over again with curiosity and hope. If this is the case, who would you want to get to know, what projects might you approach differently to put your own stamp on them?

4) Get ready for the next job. If you now realize this isn’t the place or job for you, now’s the time to get ready to leave. Start looking for new opportunities and know what
experience or skills you can still beef up to be a great candidate for the next job you
want. Find the people you need to network with while at your current job, and work on
getting recommendations on LinkedIn. Be smart about allocating your time so you can
do a great job and leave with a great recommendation from your boss, while making
time for the job search in your off hours. This is no time to slack off!

If you need more ideas or support as you take next steps, I’m here to help. Reach out to
[email protected] and we’ll set up a free consultation call to see what we can do together.

As we transition into a New Year we are always encouraged to make New Years’ resolutions.

I have never been one for New Years’ resolutions although I do quite a bit of reflection at the end of each calendar year, and also at the start of my personal new year – my birthday – which happens to fall at the middle of the calendar year, and provides me a sense of my path, and to know if there’s one actually in front of me. The end of a year is always the beginning of a new one, just as the end of a job or a relationship marks the beginning of a new something (Perspective? Learning?) or someone (to ourselves?) in one way or another. We go through a process of letting go (or not) and then potentially seeing ahead to what’s new.

Introspection isn’t everybody’s thing; it has been mine my whole life.

Each 6 months I ask myself similar questions so that I know how I’m doing for, and with, myself. Introspection isn’t everybody’s thing; it has been mine my whole life. Personally and professionally I love helping others to find out what’s inside, what may be hiding from them, finding what can be illuminated, and once seen, how to use that new knowing to create or do or be something or someone new.

Growth is often not comfortable but is always worth it.

Here are a few questions I ponder that you may find useful to ponder as you begin your 2018, and at other times as well. If this isn’t something natural for you to do, I still encourage you to try and see what appears.

5 Questions to Ask Yourself at the start of the New Year (or your birthday or some other important date):

• What were you looking forward to having happen during this past year? Did you see this happen? If not, what happened instead? If you did see what you’d hoped for, how did this come to be?
• Being somewhat realistic in your expectations (I see so many people set such truly high expectations for themselves ~ they feel crushed by their inability to achieve these heights and then use their disappointment to further discourage themselves) what would I like to experience this year?
• How will you feel, how will your life be different, when you achieve these experiences? This is an important step because it helps to understand what’s valuable to you and why; dig deeper to really understand what’s really important for you and let that guide you.
• Having determined the above, what do you need to do to help yourself achieve these intentions? Whose help do you need? What classes will teach you what you want to learn? What kind of money is required? Essentially this is about asking yourself the practical questions you need to answer so you are adequately supported. We all need support.
• Now summarize these goals or intentions into a short list that you can keep near your desk or wherever you might bump into it by accident now and again (if you see this list everyday you’ll likely stop actually seeing it). If, like me, you have written all of this down in greater detail keep it somewhere safe so you can read it again later in the year and for years to come to see how you’ve grown and what still needs attention.

Of course the purpose of having your short list nearby is to help you remember to take those important actions by utilizing the support you wrote about in question 4.

Here’s to our collective new 2018 and all of the ways we’ll be moving forward. May your new year go smoothly and well even with the temporary bumps that inevitably appear.

The kinds of issues I discuss with clients often seem to come in waves. Patterns emerge. Of course I’m usually hearing about various levels of distress that women and men are experiencing at work, and not surprisingly, a difficult boss or team dynamic prompts a lot of people to seek my assistance.

Lately many conversations with clients seem to revolve around bad behavior of managers and people in power and how to do what’s best given the circumstances. On a broader level, as well, we’ve all been watching the undoing of many men who have used their power and status in despicable ways; while we feel relief that their gig is up, we’re also asking why did the unmasking of this undermining abuse take so long?

It’s hard to speak truth to power.

When we want to bring difficult topics and issues to light we know we need to be prepared and smart. It’s risky and scary to speak up. Bravery is required, and mustering the courage to be authentic with people who may shut us down is needed. In big and small moments we meet choice points about how we want to be. When we speak up about something important to us with a loved one, or at work with a team member or boss. There are always consequences to speaking up, just as much as there are consequences to not speaking up.

During this year I’ve done some contract work with clients at an addiction recovery center in Pismo Beach. While leading workshops and meetings there I learned about some terrible, egregious behavior that brought many of these clients to soothe themselves with addictions and other self-sabotaging behaviors. Most of us know someone who struggles with addiction, or have a personal experience with, addictive behaviors. We’re as sick as our secrets is a phrase that encourages us to remove the cover off the ‘secrets’ that are keeping things and people stuck in a place of ‘dis-ease’.

I think what we’re seeing, in a big major way, is the dis-robing of the lies and abuses that have been inflicted on women, and men, for so many years. As the wrap comes off, and we let the light shine on these transgressions we’ll all likely go through a bumpy time of diligent awareness and hyper-vigilance. We’ll be adjusting and perhaps awkwardly wondering how not to mistakenly behave insensitively or do or say things that might be misunderstood. We know this happens; we’ve seen it for years as we attempt to be PC and sensitive to others around us.

Clearly we know we’re in this monumental time of shift – in every way possible we see upheaval. Who and how we want to be during and throughout times of change is up to each of us. We each have an opportunity to claim our power – not over others but internally — to know our own intentions, and to lean these in the direction of what’s good and decent. We can choose to respond and not react. We can prepare ourselves to be balanced and grounded to increase our effectiveness to work with change, with difficulty, with a toxic environment, with others who are doing harmful things to us or others. When we come from a ‘clean’ place of non-harming intention we can be very powerful in small and large ways.

Here’s my 30 Day Challenge to you.

Choose one person who is challenging for you at work or at home. For at least two weeks, two times during your day think of this person and consider the challenges this person is facing in their life. What pressures or difficulties might this person be grappling with that’s prompting them to behave as they do? Who and what is important to them? What do you see as their intention? And what is your intention toward them? Is there jealousy or resentment? If so, why? Is there a way you can take care of yourself to ease your experience of negative or challenging feelings about this person?

Then, with a bit of generosity, wish them, and you, happiness and health. After two weeks, consider if this person is really doing something that is truly harmful to you or others. If you see that real harm is going on, you may want to take the steps to discuss what you’re seeing and experiencing with others who need to know what you’re seeing. Use the next two weeks to investigate options to implement some sort of change. With others who are supportive to you, you may have help to create a concerted effort to mitigate the damage being done. If you don’t find supporters, you’ll come to another decision point. What action will you need to take, from a clean place of intention to increase your safety and health?

Within these 30 days you’ll have positively impacted your life and the lives of others. You’ll have taken time, and studied action, to move forward with intention and clarity. It may not be easy or comfortable but you’ll be doing the right thing.

I’d love to hear how things are going for you, and how this challenge (if you choose to take it on) works for you. Please write and share your experiences and I will be happy to respond.

Warmly,
Daisy

Four Strategies to Get Yourself Back into Action.

Procrastination is way more common than I ever realized. Most of my friends, colleagues and clients struggle with procrastination. Even though I tend to be a doer, I see how my ability to put things off has gained momentum. Our lives are so crowded by input from all sorts of technology and other distractions…especially if we’re creative and curios people! I can be happily sidetracked by reading articles online, my fascinating hard-copy magazines and books, or doing lots of little inconsequential projects around my house. All good things…but am I getting to the things I know I want and need to do? Um…no.

Sound familiar?

Here’s what I’ve found helps me to stop procrastinating and do what needs doing. Maybe this will work for you, too:

• Spend time thinking about what you really want to see happen in your personal or professional life. Really see yourself doing what you imagine would feel energizing and delightful once you’ve completed this. How does this help you, or others? What’s the upside for getting these things done?
• Take a moment to hear what your internal voice – we all have this — is quietly saying to you about getting started on whatever it is you’re putting off. Feeling overwhelmed? Scared about doing something new? Afraid of failure? Or afraid of success? Or expect to be bored? Now’s your chance to speak back with kind encouragement. Encourage yourself to be brave and give yourself a chance to move forward with even 15 minutes of doing to move things forward. Now set a timer and make it happen and see if you decide to work longer.
• Find a buddy you can report to about the projects you want to accomplish. Being accountable to someone is motivating for most of us. Somehow we’ll find a way to show up and share what we’ve done. You’ll be doing someone else a favor by asking them to join you in getting their projects done!
• Still can’t get moving? Sometime we aren’t wired for the work we need to get done. Time to bring in someone who’s got the skills to do what we can’t. I’ve outsourced all sorts of things that I can’t bear to do. Filing? Ugh. Bookkeeping…no way. When you genuinely know you aren’t going to get yourself to do something, find someone who will do it for you. That’s why coaches and bookkeepers, organizers and trainers are in this world. Sometimes we need to give ourselves a smart break and let someone else do the heavy lifting while we get to the things we can do with ease, and even joy.

Happy doing!