Born Old
I think I was born old. When I was 8, 10, 14, 21, 25 people always said I was mature for my age. I was the person everyone could talk to — no matter how old I or they were, they’d tell me everything. I said hello to everyone who looked my way by the time I could talk — and never stopped. Except, that is, when I realized that the creepy guys on the subway also managed to accept my open face and started talking to me, too. Then I started to do what a lot of NYers do — I started to avert my gaze. It wasn’t until I was about 25 that I felt like I was getting younger — and less confident. I started to question what I thought I knew…I always knew everything before that. I still sounded like I knew everything, and tried to look like I knew that I knew everything. But slowly my self-doubt crept in. Self-doubt is an insidious experience. It can show up in uncountable ways…sleepiness, lack of motivation, hunger, mean words to ourselves and others, confusion, indecision…you know what I mean. Mostly it sounds like, I can’t do that, I don’t know enough, I’m not as smart as…
It takes practice to get back to the confidence of youth. And a lot of support and love and friendship and humor. And courage. For a while in my life I didn’t have much of those — but now I do and I see that self-doubt still creeps in, but age has helped me to tame that inner negative voice so that I am clearer about when it’s there. Now I know that EVERYBODY feels that lack of confidence at some point, or even everyday…but we can make the effort to get back to our confidence of youth, and get to the real confidence that comes with experience, love and a lot of work.
Why I Didn't Go Into Investment Banking by Guest Blogger Vanessa Van Petten
Vanessa Van Petten is the teen author of the book “You’re Grounded!”—a parenting book from a young perspective. She keeps an active teen blog for parents who want to know what their kids are really doing online, at High School parties or when parents are looking the other way. Her candid and young perspective, as well her constant survey of resources and updates about this generation of young people are a treasure trove for parents.
I was on the perfect track. Was student body president of an upper snuff Los Angeles private school. Got accepted into a top 20 University and became a Mandarin and East Asian Studies major before the wave hit?????–so everyone was in desperate need of white female Asia specialists. Wrote an honors thesis and graduated Magna Cum Laude.
I had a bid from a top investment banking firm in New York—everything was perfect. It was not until my parents were filming me with the family video camera “how do you feel!? Are you excited? Sad the best years of your life are ending!?”
How did I feel?
Tired.
Are you excited?
No.
Sad the best years of your life are ending?!
Those were the best years of my life…oh my god, I just realized, I hated college.
I did hate college—but I didn’t realize it until graduation day. That’s when I knew I was on the wrong track. I wrote a thesis because that is what I thought you were supposed to do, I was a Mandarin major because it ‘was the golden ticket into any job you want’ and it sounded impressive. I realized it was so shallow.
I’ll spare you the details of my obnoxious meltdown and subsequent soul searching melodrama and fill you in briefly to the first part of the story. When I was in High School I did get into some trouble, nothing serious, a little boy crazy that’s all, had trouble with the whole curfew thing. HARD TRANSITION In that time, I decided that all of the parenting books out there had to be doing everything wrong because all of my friends were doing dumb things and hated their parents.
So, I started interviewing hundreds of other teenagers to compile our own parenting book, with advice we wish our parents would know. It was awesome, it was fun, it was empowering, it was challenging and the parents who read it loved it. Then I got back on track, and left the book in my computer.
Somewhere in the deepest depths of my mental break I remembered the passion I had for helping teens and parents…and knew that’s what I had to do. I turned down the IB offer, ran from the world of finance and started to work on convincing my parents I wasn’t crazy—but that I had just woken up.
It wasn’t easy spending my savings on publishing my book and hiring six employees in India to help me develop my website idea for parents and teens to connect in the online arena, but my goodness has it been fun.
As an entrepreneur, pro-blogger, author, youth coach and parent speaker (got to bring in the money somehow right?)—the hardest part is my own fear of failing and that I am my own worst boss. But, finally I made a choice for the right reason, finally I am having fun at what I do, finally I am awake…and living my life, not the life I think I should live.
Learn to Use Technology to Find Who and What You Want
Knowing how to properly use technology, and specifically sites like Linked In, Facebook, and Myspace, can be instrumental in your search for job opportunities. However, these sites have the potential to do more harm than good if they are not used effectively.
The first thing to consider when using technology to aid in a job search is the specific message you want to send. Remember that people often assess you based on information from a variety of sources, so having a consistent message is essential. Everything from your photos online to the voice message on your phone should be kept clean and professional. In addition, you can show your initiative by creating your own website that has your resume, writing samples, or a portfolio of work experience on it.
From here you can start to think about creating or updating your profile on the various social networking sites. Keep in mind that employers are using these sites as tools to learn about who you are. Don’t think they aren’t interested in knowing how you spend your free time or your money because they are. They are determining what sort of character you have not only by what you tell them on your resume and in your interview, but also by what you show online.
If you have a Facebook or Myspace account for social reasons, be sure to check your privacy settings or clean it up. Imagine if you were running a business and you saw lewd or wild photos on the site of an employee or potential employee. You can say that this shouldn’t have any bearing on your work, but if an employer sees you being indiscreet with yourself they may assume that you have the potential to be indiscreet with your work, the goings on at work, your co-workers, etc.
Linked In is a great site to have a strictly professional profile. Many jobs on Linked In specify that they are looking for people with recommendations. If possible, get recommendations from people you’ve worked with or even had internships with. Also, it is not required that you have a photo of yourself on Linked In, but it can help if you have a good looking professional photo as part of your profile. It is always nice for potential employers to have a face to put with a name.
Lastly, keep in mind that just because people and opportunities can be found, ie, seen online, doesn’t mean that it is easy to get a job online. Finding a job is still about connecting with people- face to face. If an employer has an option to hire someone who is personally referred by someone they know, they’ll probably opt for that person over someone they find outside their network of friends. Be prepared to talk with as many people as possible. Let people know who you want to work for and why. And then be ready to explain why they should hire you.
What about jobs?
We, at Daisy Swan & Associates, love to help people get clarity on their LifeStage, direction for their career direction and provide strategies to live an authentic life. You may have noticed that we offer lots of classes and one-on-one coaching. We’re trying to offer what you need. So we’ve also partnered with Jobing.com in LA to provide a source for local jobs. The more people they serve the more jobs will circulate through them so it’s a win-win. So take a look at our Resources and check out the job postings there. Also, plan to attend the Net(not)Working? Networking and Research Class on May 7th to learn how to use online and other resources to find people and opportunities that you want to know about. If you have other suggestions of ways we can help, let us know by emailing us.
Hmmm. What to wear?
I can’t believe that jeans cost $200. I couldn’t believe it when they went up from $40 to $70, and then $125. For those of you in your 20’s and 30’s this probably sounds ludicrous because jeans have always seemed to cost more than $70…or else they’re cool and from H&M and a steal. Many of you only know casual Fridays, and every other day too, as a reality. Many of us remember when they began and the khakis and polo shirts that became an accepted reality. Look where we are now. Uggs, jeans and t’s, flip flops. Does not seem to be working…
The Wall Street Journal had a great article in the Personal Journal today about Business Casual and the problems it’s caused for everyone. I guess Laurie Graham and I were ahead of them because we created a program to help men and women of all ages understand how to look great and appropriate for every environment and occasion. Unfortunately, we had to postpone our program on April 19th, this coming Saturday, but we’ll be back with it soon. If you want to stay up-to-date on this and other programs, email me and we’ll stay in touch. In the meantime, keep your jeans tidy, your shirts crisp and your shoes polished — and don’t forget to smile 😉
Tips for Navigating Career Change
I thought it might be helpful to connect some of the dots that we covered at our April 3rd panel on navigating career change. While we had several entrepreneurs on the panel the themes are the same for anyone making career changes.
– Have a vision of what you want, or let a vision develop. Life tends to be a series of accidents, and often they are happy accidents, if you let them be. That means stay aware of what you’d like to have happen and then be open to when it does. Things rarely happen as we expect them to!
– FEAR: Making any kind of change – looking for a new job, making a step towards a change, calling a potential contact to let them know what you’re looking for – can bring up fear for anybody, and everybody. You just have to do it.
– Having a support network of some sort is important. They can encourage you when you’re down or scared, and they can connect you to others when you reach out. 99.9% of the time people are willing to be helpful. *Sometimes knowing what you want to ask for is hard – we didn’t discuss this last night very much, and I see that that was an important omission. This is where we have to get out of our way and let the ideas come forward. This is where it can be helpful to work with someone to get clarity and see what you do want. I recommend that you talk with people about what you specifically love to do if you don’t know the title of what it is you’re looking for. Just talking about what you are good at and enjoy doing helps others begin to connect the dots for and with you. We will be talking more about this at the Net(not)working? Event on May 7th and June 12th which will include how to talk about yourself, how to do research to find what you might want, and what recruiters really do and if they are a good resource for you.
– If you hold back on doing something you want to do you could be robbing people of something they need! If you see a need or an idea that nobody has done, do it! Your book idea, your project idea of your department or boss, your creative project of any kind could turn out to be something that takes your life in a whole new direction that you hadn’t anticipated. Let yourself hear what people encourage you to try. Of course you have to listen to your gut, but sometimes you can do so much more than you think you can – others often see our potential more than we do.
– If you are burned out and tired of working the way you are, take a stand for yourself and look for another way to live your life. There is another way. You do have a choice. The panelists you heard all struggle with balance. Everybody does. If you are working now, at a JOB or a career job that gobbles up all of your time and you want to change that you need to make a commitment to yourself to find some time to have different conversations with people, or to take some sort of ‘baby steps’ to have something change. Little steps get things moving and it’s important to recognize that these little steps can add up to big change. If you look too far ahead of you, you can become paralyzed. So look to the little things that can be done now.
– You don’t need a big fancy degree to do something that has an impact on the world and on your world. Your own creativity and willingness can make the impact that you choose to make – you can surprise yourself and others! Think of who needs what you have to give and take those baby steps to make it happen. If you need help from a professional or a friend to do what you want to do consider it an investment in you. You are your best, and first, resource.
– Get out and attend conferences or meetings where you can meet others like you to find ‘your people’. Yes, it means looking for those events and actually getting to them, but the reward can be huge – even if you only get to know one person, this can have a great net effect on your life, and on others’.
Clearly life is an adventure, or can be if we let it be, and while losing our ‘security’ can be scary, we can always find a way to make things work somehow when we just ‘do it’.
Navigating Career Change Panel Discussion
Presented by Daisy Swan, MA, CPCC: The Los Angeles Career Counselor & Coach
Date: Thursday, April 3, 2008
Time: 6:30 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Location: Jobing.com, 12100 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 320, Los Angeles (at Wilshire and Bundy)
Tickets: Call 310-820-8877
Looking for a career change but not sure how to proceed? Gain insights into how career change really happens. Along with inspiration and practical tips, hear from an expert panel at the Navigating Career Change Panel Discussion presented and co-moderated by Daisy Swan, MA, CPCC: The Los Angeles Career Counselor & Coach.
Panelists include Mary Astadourian, a well-known professional organizer who also served as a TV producer and executive; Rashi Khangura, who switched career paths from corporate accounting to the growing Corazonas, a company that makes heart-healthy snacks; Stephanie Palmer, business owner and author of the recently published “Good in a Room,” which teaches individuals how to effectively pitch themselves and their ideas; Jayne Polan, mother and former TV production person who invented the successful Shampowder hair product; and Clark Crawford, currently in Silicon Valley, former Entrepreneur In Residence at Idealab. Swan will co-moderate with Bill Crookston, Professor at USC’s Lloyd Greif Center for Entrepreneurial Studies.
Tickets cost $35 each for those who register by March 27, and $45 each for those who register after March 27 or at the door. For more information and to register, call 310-820-8877
Here’s the panel
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Mary’s discovery of her calling, however, came after several major career transitions. Moving to New York straight out of college with dreams of a future in journalism, Mary spent a year working at the United Nations only to decide it wasn’t what she had hoped for. She also worked in publishing, co-founded a company specializing in training corporate trainers, and was vice president of a production company. Four years ago, Mary was in the midst of studying to become an interior designer, when she accidentally landed a job organizing a home.The rest, as they say, is history
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A professionally trained singer and dancer reaching back to age three, Jayne further developed her creative talents within the performing arts while attending School of Communications at American University. It was during her dancing days that she first discovered the trick of putting baby powder in her hair to absorb the oils. The baby powder did the job, but not without its limitations, most notable were the discoloration and strong odor. Not realizing it at that time, the idea for Shampowder was first born an Jayne would eventually combine her entrepreneurial spirit and talents together to launch a new brand. Born and raised in Livingston, New Jersey, Jayne moved to Los Angeles immediately after college graduation to apply her talents to the Entertainment industry. Starting out literally at basement level sorting mail for a talent agency, Jayne worked her way up the ladder. Thriving in a fast paced creative atmosphere, it wasn’t long before she was working in production for major television shows such as The Sharon Osbourne Show, The Dr. Keith Ablow Show and most recently The Ellen DeGeneres Show. After the birth of her son, Jonah, just one year ago, Jayne decided to take a short break from the Entertainment world. She quickly realized that the fast paced, hectic world of entertainment was nothing as compared to motherhood, and with absolutely-no-time-to-spare-to-wash-her-hair, Jayne was back to the baby powder. Knowing that there was a better way, the idea for Shampowder was born. Teaming up with her husband and co-creator, Barry Polan, they began the process of developing and formulating the perfect solution. |
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Most recently he was the founder of an early stage start-up utilizing ink jet printing to improve the price/performance ratio of solar cell manufacturing. He recently had the opportunity to be the first Entrepreneur-in-Residence at Palo Alto Research Center (PARC) and worked toward launching a company utilizing printing technology for the fabrication of electronics. Previously he joined Idealab as an Entrepreneur-in-Residence and was the Founder and President of MeshTel, an Idealab company, focused on developing wireless mesh networking for consumer and commercial voice communication applications. While working for 3D Systems, the Rapid Prototyping industry pioneer, he developed a new product category by introducing the first 3D Printer along with the company’s subsequent 3D Printer products including the InVision Si2 3D Printer which received CADENCE magazine’s 2002 “Editors’ Choice Award”. These category defining products helped to establish the 3D Printer market segment that today generates in excess of $150M in revenue and is growing more than 50% annually. Clark is the holder of 21 U.S. patents and co-inventor of a novel color printing technology. He managed the development of several award-winning products utilizing this technology including the first color office printer under $5000, which received PC Magazine’s “Innovation of the Year Award” in 1995. Acquired by Xerox in 2000, this technology is currently incorporated into the Phaser 8650 the leading “laser-class” color printer offering from Xerox generating in excess of $500M in annual revenues. Clark draws upon his technology and early stage market development, team and company building experience to foster the development of next generation technologies and to mentor the people that conceive and develop them. Clark holds an MBA from University of Southern California, a graduate engineering degree from Washington State University along with an undergraduate engineering degree from the University of Idaho. He also completed the 31st Annual Venture Capital Institute (VCI).
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Professional organizer Mary Astadourian has been organizing since she was a child when she would line up her dolls by height. Fortunately for her clients, she turned her passion for order into a career. She has taken on the challenges of organizing homes, offices, storage spaces, and eventually, the lives of supermodels, pop icons, movie stars, and others, helping them to live tranquil, clutter-free lives and giving them piece of mind.
Rashi K. Khangura has had a broad experience in accounting having worked for a variety of companies, including family businesses. Although accounting is not her passion, she learned to combine her skills in accounting and her passion for people. Rashi’s entrepreneurial spirit and passion for people comes from her experience with several family businesses. The experience of working for different companies made her realize that the environment and focus of the company had a huge impact on her job satisfaction. After realizing this she focused on positions in the accounting field with companies that were more in tune with her passion for people. Currently she works for Corazonas Foods, Inc. Corazonas focuses on creating food products that taste great and lower cholesterol. Being part of a company that positively affects the health of others is why she loves Corazonas. Even with the short time she has spent in the work world she realized that it is possible to fulfill her passion and utilize her skills without changing her career.
STEPHANIE PALMER helps business leaders, senior executives and established creative professionals from a wide variety of industries to increase revenue, find more clients, get promoted, and secure financing for their ideas. As part of MGM’s executive team for six years, she supervised twenty films with multi-million dollar budgets, including the international screen hit, Legally Blonde. Stephanie has been featured on NBC’s Today, CBS’s Early Show, National Public Radio and in the Los Angeles Times. She is the author of Good in a Room: How To Sell Yourself and Your Ideas and Win Over Any Audience. (
Buttercream Cosmetics’ Jayne Polan, is the co-owner and creative force behind Shampowder, the revolutionary new cosmetic hair powder, designed to freshen hair and extend time between washings. Shampowder is produced by her Los Angeles based firm, Buttercream Cosmetics, Inc. Known for her creative flair and interest in the arts, Jayne Polan, for as long as she can remember has looked for the solution and unique way to work with her makeup and hair. Her love affair with beauty dates back to her earliest childhood memories.
Clark Crawford has been developing award winning products and creating successful businesses in the technology sector since 1985. His technology career spans from start-ups to public companies ranging from pre-revenue to billion dollar divisions at companies including Micron Technology, Tektronix, 3D Systems, Idealab and Xerox. His experience includes management and executive positions within these companies developing semiconductor, electrical test and measurement, computer peripheral, software, wireless telecommunication, and solar energy products.
Bill Crookston combines a career in sales, sales management and entrepreneurship with teaching, consulting and coaching emergent companies. His interest is in social entrepreneurship and serves on various NFP boards.
Turn Your Image into a Powerful Magnet: How to Attract the Right Job, Client or Mate That’s Best For You AKA
Clothing and Non-verbal Communication for An Effective Professional and Personal Life
New Date TBD
Cost: Advance registration $75.
Location: Olympic Collection, corner of Sawtelle & Olympic, 11301 Olympic Blvd.
Parking is available in the building
Are you confounded by what to wear to work? Do you have a closet full of clothes, but suffer from the “I Have Nothing to Wear” Syndrome?
Have you ever felt insecure during an important event because you hated what you were wearing? Are you interviewing and not getting called back for a second interview? Are you under 30 and wearing Ugg boots to work? Are you over 30 and stuck in a look that is tired or outdated? Are you sure that’s working for you? How short/long/tight/loose are your skirts/jeans/slacks and are they really expressing who you are? Have you been offended by someone making mention of your attire? Are you ‘the boss’ and want to set a standard for your team? Trying to figure out what’s too trendy, too young or old for you to buy and wear?
We’ve created this 3-hour class to help you to be as effective in your life as you can be. Create an image that is most reflective of the message that you want to convey to the world. If your look is sloppy or outdated, chances are people will assume your product or work ethic is also sloppy and outdated.Whether you’re just starting out in your career, looking for more fulfilling opportunities, or you’re a Baby Boomer trying to earn credibility with your 30-Something colleagues, our team of experts will show you how to ‘put it all together’. Make a consistent statement about who you really are no matter what the environment you step. Learn how to attract more of the good stuff into your life with simple and worthwhile actions.
Daisy Swan & Associates has brought stylist Laurie Graham on board to educate, inform and discuss the subtle and not so subtle points of being well dressed so you can be taken seriously no matter how much fun you’re having. Laurie will bring outfits and accessories for women and men at all of the LifeStages to give you practical and fun wardrobe ideas. We’ll show you what you can and can’t wear to what. And we’ll cover some important basics to help you be your best at interview, casual, travel and weekend wardrobe etiquette. Be prepared to have fun and learn a lot!
Laurie Graham brings a seasoned and expert point of view to her work as a Stylist. With a degree in Broadcast/News and an extensive background in the Advertising industry, Laurie’s experience in working with corporate executives ranging from Independent Franchisees to Fortune 500 companies has given her the sophistication and understanding of corporate life and its style-standards. The Los Angeles-based Stylist has a large clientele of busy corporate executive men and women who appreciate her guidance in keeping their professional and personal looks current and sophisticated. But, it is her own elegant and colorful looks that make dressing for downtime just as much fun. From organizing closets to updating wardrobes, Laurie has transformed the lives of men & women from Los Angeles to New York, uniquely crafting looks that are enduring, classic, whimsical, effortless and tailored specifically for each client. She has been the Style Expert on TV networks like The CW and Luxury Explorer TV, as well as contributing to articles, books and blogs teaching the public how to make a lasting first, and second, impression.
New Date TBD
Cost: $75.
Beginnings
As adults with college age or twenty-something kids, you’ve seen a lot of changes in our society and definitely in the working world. And your kids saw some of those changes happen, whether they were very aware of them or not. For those young people what they saw was ‘The Way Life Is’. So the dot com boom and the incredible money that many people in their twenties made, the huge press that these people got, along with the toys, homes, and subsequent opportunities is probably one of their assumptions about ‘The Way It Is’. Add to that the rise of women in a whole host of careers and the relatively new expectation that women can and should be able to achieve any professional level they want if they’re willing to go for it. Then add the incredible rise in Celebrity Star Power and Reality TV stardom, where the value of being on TV or in a magazine has soared in popularity. Everyone can and should be Famous. Then top all of that glamour and chaos off with our national disaster of 9/11 and the scary insecurity of all the ‘what ifs’ that silently pressure all of us to gobble up everything life has to offer because we just honestly don’t know what will happen tomorrow…This is what our twenty-somethings are walking into as they begin their careers and adult lives.
Of course, what many of us have seen and lived through are the hard and fast fall of those whose dot com dreams didn’t materialize, the thousands upon thousands of people who went through multiple layoffs and the companies that disappeared as fast as they’d begun. Many very qualified professionals experienced the prolonged job searches of the sluggish economy.
So here you are, having seen so much, experienced so much and you are helping to launch your kids into this wonderful and crazy world of new work worlds and positions that have titles you and I have only just heard of. How do you know how to effectively support your kid(s) as they try to get going? How do you answer their questions and concerns? Or answer your own?
This category (Parenting) is about helping parents to know what they and their kids can expect to experience as they enter and maneuver through their twenties. Why should parents know about this? Because let’s face it, being in the twenties is being in the new adolescence . The Los Angeles Times reported on a study by the University of Pennsylvania which concluded that young people are less likely to reach the expected milestones of adulthood such as ‘leaving home, getting married, having a child and being financially independent’ by age 30 then they were in 1960. The increasing cost of a first home, the length of time it takes to get out of school debt, the lower starting salaries, the rising age of (first) marriages and subsequent parenthood…all of these components of launching a life translates into the lengthening of active parenting of adult children for many families.
For all of the reasons mentioned above, and several others I’ll be highlighting below, kids these days have tremendous challenges that make decision making even harder and more complex then ever.
After working as a career counselor with literally hundreds of high school, college and graduate students, as well as working adults in their twenties and early thirties I know that the pressures and questions that young adults face are daunting. And whether their parents take the position that ‘we support you in whatever you want to do’ or that of ‘you should be an X and follow in the family footsteps’ the resulting confusion is the same. The fear of making a wrong step, a life altering miscalculation, the ‘what if I make the wrong choice out of all of these choices’ – these decisions or indecisions can be deafeningly loud and crazy making.
My Services: I am expanding my career coaching services to work with parents of adult children to help them, the parents, to know what to expect (of and for their kids) in order to minimize the frustration level and to be prepared to face what may inevitably come to pass. I am available to help you to develop sane strategies to cope with your adult kids moving back into their old rooms. New rules need to be established regarding rent, household responsibilities, communicating with each other and setting goals and expectations. I am collecting data from clients and others who are in their twenties and early thirties to learn more directly what it is that helps young adults establish themselves as adults. I have worked with hundreds of clients to develop new habits and ways of dealing with themselves to get what they want in their lives. Now I’d like to make a difference in families by working with parents who want to know the best way to parent their kids.
I am still also working with clients of all ages as they deal with all sorts of transitions.
No matter what age we are we can hear the negative voice in our heads as we start to contemplate a move to change something in our lives that says ‘why can’t you be more like X and know what you want and just do that’. “What’s wrong with me/my kids/my spouse that I or they haven’t gotten it together’. Please know that the quiet majority of people don’t know their path. My services, and this website, are for anyone who wants to learn how to support and understand the often messy and delightful realities of launching a life. The launch can be confusing and haltingly bumpy and still result in a fascinating, surprising, stimulating and ‘successful’ life.
For More, see LifeStages
Connecting the Dots (pt. 1)
“You’ve got to find what you love,” Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
Born Old
I think I was born old. When I was 8, 10, 14, 21, 25 people always said I was mature for my age. I was the person everyone could talk to — no matter how old I or they were, they’d tell me everything. I said hello to everyone who looked my way by the time I could talk — and never stopped. Except, that is, when I realized that the creepy guys on the subway also managed to accept my open face and started talking to me, too. Then I started to do what a lot of NYers do — I started to avert my gaze. It wasn’t until I was about 25 that I felt like I was getting younger — and less confident. I started to question what I thought I knew…I always knew everything before that. I still sounded like I knew everything, and tried to look like I knew that I knew everything. But slowly my self-doubt crept in. Self-doubt is an insidious experience. It can show up in uncountable ways…sleepiness, lack of motivation, hunger, mean words to ourselves and others, confusion, indecision…you know what I mean. Mostly it sounds like, I can’t do that, I don’t know enough, I’m not as smart as…
It takes practice to get back to the confidence of youth. And a lot of support and love and friendship and humor. And courage. For a while in my life I didn’t have much of those — but now I do and I see that self-doubt still creeps in, but age has helped me to tame that inner negative voice so that I am clearer about when it’s there. Now I know that EVERYBODY feels that lack of confidence at some point, or even everyday…but we can make the effort to get back to our confidence of youth, and get to the real confidence that comes with experience, love and a lot of work.
Why I Didn't Go Into Investment Banking by Guest Blogger Vanessa Van Petten
Vanessa Van Petten is the teen author of the book “You’re Grounded!”—a parenting book from a young perspective. She keeps an active teen blog for parents who want to know what their kids are really doing online, at High School parties or when parents are looking the other way. Her candid and young perspective, as well her constant survey of resources and updates about this generation of young people are a treasure trove for parents.
I was on the perfect track. Was student body president of an upper snuff Los Angeles private school. Got accepted into a top 20 University and became a Mandarin and East Asian Studies major before the wave hit?????–so everyone was in desperate need of white female Asia specialists. Wrote an honors thesis and graduated Magna Cum Laude.
I had a bid from a top investment banking firm in New York—everything was perfect. It was not until my parents were filming me with the family video camera “how do you feel!? Are you excited? Sad the best years of your life are ending!?”
How did I feel?
Tired.
Are you excited?
No.
Sad the best years of your life are ending?!
Those were the best years of my life…oh my god, I just realized, I hated college.
I did hate college—but I didn’t realize it until graduation day. That’s when I knew I was on the wrong track. I wrote a thesis because that is what I thought you were supposed to do, I was a Mandarin major because it ‘was the golden ticket into any job you want’ and it sounded impressive. I realized it was so shallow.
I’ll spare you the details of my obnoxious meltdown and subsequent soul searching melodrama and fill you in briefly to the first part of the story. When I was in High School I did get into some trouble, nothing serious, a little boy crazy that’s all, had trouble with the whole curfew thing. HARD TRANSITION In that time, I decided that all of the parenting books out there had to be doing everything wrong because all of my friends were doing dumb things and hated their parents.
So, I started interviewing hundreds of other teenagers to compile our own parenting book, with advice we wish our parents would know. It was awesome, it was fun, it was empowering, it was challenging and the parents who read it loved it. Then I got back on track, and left the book in my computer.
Somewhere in the deepest depths of my mental break I remembered the passion I had for helping teens and parents…and knew that’s what I had to do. I turned down the IB offer, ran from the world of finance and started to work on convincing my parents I wasn’t crazy—but that I had just woken up.
It wasn’t easy spending my savings on publishing my book and hiring six employees in India to help me develop my website idea for parents and teens to connect in the online arena, but my goodness has it been fun.
As an entrepreneur, pro-blogger, author, youth coach and parent speaker (got to bring in the money somehow right?)—the hardest part is my own fear of failing and that I am my own worst boss. But, finally I made a choice for the right reason, finally I am having fun at what I do, finally I am awake…and living my life, not the life I think I should live.
Learn to Use Technology to Find Who and What You Want
Knowing how to properly use technology, and specifically sites like Linked In, Facebook, and Myspace, can be instrumental in your search for job opportunities. However, these sites have the potential to do more harm than good if they are not used effectively.
The first thing to consider when using technology to aid in a job search is the specific message you want to send. Remember that people often assess you based on information from a variety of sources, so having a consistent message is essential. Everything from your photos online to the voice message on your phone should be kept clean and professional. In addition, you can show your initiative by creating your own website that has your resume, writing samples, or a portfolio of work experience on it.
From here you can start to think about creating or updating your profile on the various social networking sites. Keep in mind that employers are using these sites as tools to learn about who you are. Don’t think they aren’t interested in knowing how you spend your free time or your money because they are. They are determining what sort of character you have not only by what you tell them on your resume and in your interview, but also by what you show online.
If you have a Facebook or Myspace account for social reasons, be sure to check your privacy settings or clean it up. Imagine if you were running a business and you saw lewd or wild photos on the site of an employee or potential employee. You can say that this shouldn’t have any bearing on your work, but if an employer sees you being indiscreet with yourself they may assume that you have the potential to be indiscreet with your work, the goings on at work, your co-workers, etc.
Linked In is a great site to have a strictly professional profile. Many jobs on Linked In specify that they are looking for people with recommendations. If possible, get recommendations from people you’ve worked with or even had internships with. Also, it is not required that you have a photo of yourself on Linked In, but it can help if you have a good looking professional photo as part of your profile. It is always nice for potential employers to have a face to put with a name.
Lastly, keep in mind that just because people and opportunities can be found, ie, seen online, doesn’t mean that it is easy to get a job online. Finding a job is still about connecting with people- face to face. If an employer has an option to hire someone who is personally referred by someone they know, they’ll probably opt for that person over someone they find outside their network of friends. Be prepared to talk with as many people as possible. Let people know who you want to work for and why. And then be ready to explain why they should hire you.
What about jobs?
We, at Daisy Swan & Associates, love to help people get clarity on their LifeStage, direction for their career direction and provide strategies to live an authentic life. You may have noticed that we offer lots of classes and one-on-one coaching. We’re trying to offer what you need. So we’ve also partnered with Jobing.com in LA to provide a source for local jobs. The more people they serve the more jobs will circulate through them so it’s a win-win. So take a look at our Resources and check out the job postings there. Also, plan to attend the Net(not)Working? Networking and Research Class on May 7th to learn how to use online and other resources to find people and opportunities that you want to know about. If you have other suggestions of ways we can help, let us know by emailing us.
Hmmm. What to wear?
I can’t believe that jeans cost $200. I couldn’t believe it when they went up from $40 to $70, and then $125. For those of you in your 20’s and 30’s this probably sounds ludicrous because jeans have always seemed to cost more than $70…or else they’re cool and from H&M and a steal. Many of you only know casual Fridays, and every other day too, as a reality. Many of us remember when they began and the khakis and polo shirts that became an accepted reality. Look where we are now. Uggs, jeans and t’s, flip flops. Does not seem to be working…
The Wall Street Journal had a great article in the Personal Journal today about Business Casual and the problems it’s caused for everyone. I guess Laurie Graham and I were ahead of them because we created a program to help men and women of all ages understand how to look great and appropriate for every environment and occasion. Unfortunately, we had to postpone our program on April 19th, this coming Saturday, but we’ll be back with it soon. If you want to stay up-to-date on this and other programs, email me and we’ll stay in touch. In the meantime, keep your jeans tidy, your shirts crisp and your shoes polished — and don’t forget to smile 😉
Tips for Navigating Career Change
I thought it might be helpful to connect some of the dots that we covered at our April 3rd panel on navigating career change. While we had several entrepreneurs on the panel the themes are the same for anyone making career changes.
– Have a vision of what you want, or let a vision develop. Life tends to be a series of accidents, and often they are happy accidents, if you let them be. That means stay aware of what you’d like to have happen and then be open to when it does. Things rarely happen as we expect them to!
– FEAR: Making any kind of change – looking for a new job, making a step towards a change, calling a potential contact to let them know what you’re looking for – can bring up fear for anybody, and everybody. You just have to do it.
– Having a support network of some sort is important. They can encourage you when you’re down or scared, and they can connect you to others when you reach out. 99.9% of the time people are willing to be helpful. *Sometimes knowing what you want to ask for is hard – we didn’t discuss this last night very much, and I see that that was an important omission. This is where we have to get out of our way and let the ideas come forward. This is where it can be helpful to work with someone to get clarity and see what you do want. I recommend that you talk with people about what you specifically love to do if you don’t know the title of what it is you’re looking for. Just talking about what you are good at and enjoy doing helps others begin to connect the dots for and with you. We will be talking more about this at the Net(not)working? Event on May 7th and June 12th which will include how to talk about yourself, how to do research to find what you might want, and what recruiters really do and if they are a good resource for you.
– If you hold back on doing something you want to do you could be robbing people of something they need! If you see a need or an idea that nobody has done, do it! Your book idea, your project idea of your department or boss, your creative project of any kind could turn out to be something that takes your life in a whole new direction that you hadn’t anticipated. Let yourself hear what people encourage you to try. Of course you have to listen to your gut, but sometimes you can do so much more than you think you can – others often see our potential more than we do.
– If you are burned out and tired of working the way you are, take a stand for yourself and look for another way to live your life. There is another way. You do have a choice. The panelists you heard all struggle with balance. Everybody does. If you are working now, at a JOB or a career job that gobbles up all of your time and you want to change that you need to make a commitment to yourself to find some time to have different conversations with people, or to take some sort of ‘baby steps’ to have something change. Little steps get things moving and it’s important to recognize that these little steps can add up to big change. If you look too far ahead of you, you can become paralyzed. So look to the little things that can be done now.
– You don’t need a big fancy degree to do something that has an impact on the world and on your world. Your own creativity and willingness can make the impact that you choose to make – you can surprise yourself and others! Think of who needs what you have to give and take those baby steps to make it happen. If you need help from a professional or a friend to do what you want to do consider it an investment in you. You are your best, and first, resource.
– Get out and attend conferences or meetings where you can meet others like you to find ‘your people’. Yes, it means looking for those events and actually getting to them, but the reward can be huge – even if you only get to know one person, this can have a great net effect on your life, and on others’.
Clearly life is an adventure, or can be if we let it be, and while losing our ‘security’ can be scary, we can always find a way to make things work somehow when we just ‘do it’.
Navigating Career Change Panel Discussion
Presented by Daisy Swan, MA, CPCC: The Los Angeles Career Counselor & Coach
Date: Thursday, April 3, 2008
Time: 6:30 p.m. to 9 p.m.
Location: Jobing.com, 12100 Wilshire Blvd., Ste. 320, Los Angeles (at Wilshire and Bundy)
Tickets: Call 310-820-8877
Looking for a career change but not sure how to proceed? Gain insights into how career change really happens. Along with inspiration and practical tips, hear from an expert panel at the Navigating Career Change Panel Discussion presented and co-moderated by Daisy Swan, MA, CPCC: The Los Angeles Career Counselor & Coach.
Panelists include Mary Astadourian, a well-known professional organizer who also served as a TV producer and executive; Rashi Khangura, who switched career paths from corporate accounting to the growing Corazonas, a company that makes heart-healthy snacks; Stephanie Palmer, business owner and author of the recently published “Good in a Room,” which teaches individuals how to effectively pitch themselves and their ideas; Jayne Polan, mother and former TV production person who invented the successful Shampowder hair product; and Clark Crawford, currently in Silicon Valley, former Entrepreneur In Residence at Idealab. Swan will co-moderate with Bill Crookston, Professor at USC’s Lloyd Greif Center for Entrepreneurial Studies.
Tickets cost $35 each for those who register by March 27, and $45 each for those who register after March 27 or at the door. For more information and to register, call 310-820-8877
Here’s the panel
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Mary’s discovery of her calling, however, came after several major career transitions. Moving to New York straight out of college with dreams of a future in journalism, Mary spent a year working at the United Nations only to decide it wasn’t what she had hoped for. She also worked in publishing, co-founded a company specializing in training corporate trainers, and was vice president of a production company. Four years ago, Mary was in the midst of studying to become an interior designer, when she accidentally landed a job organizing a home.The rest, as they say, is history
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A professionally trained singer and dancer reaching back to age three, Jayne further developed her creative talents within the performing arts while attending School of Communications at American University. It was during her dancing days that she first discovered the trick of putting baby powder in her hair to absorb the oils. The baby powder did the job, but not without its limitations, most notable were the discoloration and strong odor. Not realizing it at that time, the idea for Shampowder was first born an Jayne would eventually combine her entrepreneurial spirit and talents together to launch a new brand. Born and raised in Livingston, New Jersey, Jayne moved to Los Angeles immediately after college graduation to apply her talents to the Entertainment industry. Starting out literally at basement level sorting mail for a talent agency, Jayne worked her way up the ladder. Thriving in a fast paced creative atmosphere, it wasn’t long before she was working in production for major television shows such as The Sharon Osbourne Show, The Dr. Keith Ablow Show and most recently The Ellen DeGeneres Show. After the birth of her son, Jonah, just one year ago, Jayne decided to take a short break from the Entertainment world. She quickly realized that the fast paced, hectic world of entertainment was nothing as compared to motherhood, and with absolutely-no-time-to-spare-to-wash-her-hair, Jayne was back to the baby powder. Knowing that there was a better way, the idea for Shampowder was born. Teaming up with her husband and co-creator, Barry Polan, they began the process of developing and formulating the perfect solution. |
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Most recently he was the founder of an early stage start-up utilizing ink jet printing to improve the price/performance ratio of solar cell manufacturing. He recently had the opportunity to be the first Entrepreneur-in-Residence at Palo Alto Research Center (PARC) and worked toward launching a company utilizing printing technology for the fabrication of electronics. Previously he joined Idealab as an Entrepreneur-in-Residence and was the Founder and President of MeshTel, an Idealab company, focused on developing wireless mesh networking for consumer and commercial voice communication applications. While working for 3D Systems, the Rapid Prototyping industry pioneer, he developed a new product category by introducing the first 3D Printer along with the company’s subsequent 3D Printer products including the InVision Si2 3D Printer which received CADENCE magazine’s 2002 “Editors’ Choice Award”. These category defining products helped to establish the 3D Printer market segment that today generates in excess of $150M in revenue and is growing more than 50% annually. Clark is the holder of 21 U.S. patents and co-inventor of a novel color printing technology. He managed the development of several award-winning products utilizing this technology including the first color office printer under $5000, which received PC Magazine’s “Innovation of the Year Award” in 1995. Acquired by Xerox in 2000, this technology is currently incorporated into the Phaser 8650 the leading “laser-class” color printer offering from Xerox generating in excess of $500M in annual revenues. Clark draws upon his technology and early stage market development, team and company building experience to foster the development of next generation technologies and to mentor the people that conceive and develop them. Clark holds an MBA from University of Southern California, a graduate engineering degree from Washington State University along with an undergraduate engineering degree from the University of Idaho. He also completed the 31st Annual Venture Capital Institute (VCI).
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Turn Your Image into a Powerful Magnet: How to Attract the Right Job, Client or Mate That’s Best For You AKA
Clothing and Non-verbal Communication for An Effective Professional and Personal Life
New Date TBD
Cost: Advance registration $75.
Location: Olympic Collection, corner of Sawtelle & Olympic, 11301 Olympic Blvd.
Parking is available in the building
Are you confounded by what to wear to work? Do you have a closet full of clothes, but suffer from the “I Have Nothing to Wear” Syndrome?
Have you ever felt insecure during an important event because you hated what you were wearing? Are you interviewing and not getting called back for a second interview? Are you under 30 and wearing Ugg boots to work? Are you over 30 and stuck in a look that is tired or outdated? Are you sure that’s working for you? How short/long/tight/loose are your skirts/jeans/slacks and are they really expressing who you are? Have you been offended by someone making mention of your attire? Are you ‘the boss’ and want to set a standard for your team? Trying to figure out what’s too trendy, too young or old for you to buy and wear?
We’ve created this 3-hour class to help you to be as effective in your life as you can be. Create an image that is most reflective of the message that you want to convey to the world. If your look is sloppy or outdated, chances are people will assume your product or work ethic is also sloppy and outdated.Whether you’re just starting out in your career, looking for more fulfilling opportunities, or you’re a Baby Boomer trying to earn credibility with your 30-Something colleagues, our team of experts will show you how to ‘put it all together’. Make a consistent statement about who you really are no matter what the environment you step. Learn how to attract more of the good stuff into your life with simple and worthwhile actions.
Daisy Swan & Associates has brought stylist Laurie Graham on board to educate, inform and discuss the subtle and not so subtle points of being well dressed so you can be taken seriously no matter how much fun you’re having. Laurie will bring outfits and accessories for women and men at all of the LifeStages to give you practical and fun wardrobe ideas. We’ll show you what you can and can’t wear to what. And we’ll cover some important basics to help you be your best at interview, casual, travel and weekend wardrobe etiquette. Be prepared to have fun and learn a lot!
Laurie Graham brings a seasoned and expert point of view to her work as a Stylist. With a degree in Broadcast/News and an extensive background in the Advertising industry, Laurie’s experience in working with corporate executives ranging from Independent Franchisees to Fortune 500 companies has given her the sophistication and understanding of corporate life and its style-standards. The Los Angeles-based Stylist has a large clientele of busy corporate executive men and women who appreciate her guidance in keeping their professional and personal looks current and sophisticated. But, it is her own elegant and colorful looks that make dressing for downtime just as much fun. From organizing closets to updating wardrobes, Laurie has transformed the lives of men & women from Los Angeles to New York, uniquely crafting looks that are enduring, classic, whimsical, effortless and tailored specifically for each client. She has been the Style Expert on TV networks like The CW and Luxury Explorer TV, as well as contributing to articles, books and blogs teaching the public how to make a lasting first, and second, impression.
New Date TBD
Cost: $75.
Beginnings
As adults with college age or twenty-something kids, you’ve seen a lot of changes in our society and definitely in the working world. And your kids saw some of those changes happen, whether they were very aware of them or not. For those young people what they saw was ‘The Way Life Is’. So the dot com boom and the incredible money that many people in their twenties made, the huge press that these people got, along with the toys, homes, and subsequent opportunities is probably one of their assumptions about ‘The Way It Is’. Add to that the rise of women in a whole host of careers and the relatively new expectation that women can and should be able to achieve any professional level they want if they’re willing to go for it. Then add the incredible rise in Celebrity Star Power and Reality TV stardom, where the value of being on TV or in a magazine has soared in popularity. Everyone can and should be Famous. Then top all of that glamour and chaos off with our national disaster of 9/11 and the scary insecurity of all the ‘what ifs’ that silently pressure all of us to gobble up everything life has to offer because we just honestly don’t know what will happen tomorrow…This is what our twenty-somethings are walking into as they begin their careers and adult lives.
Of course, what many of us have seen and lived through are the hard and fast fall of those whose dot com dreams didn’t materialize, the thousands upon thousands of people who went through multiple layoffs and the companies that disappeared as fast as they’d begun. Many very qualified professionals experienced the prolonged job searches of the sluggish economy.
So here you are, having seen so much, experienced so much and you are helping to launch your kids into this wonderful and crazy world of new work worlds and positions that have titles you and I have only just heard of. How do you know how to effectively support your kid(s) as they try to get going? How do you answer their questions and concerns? Or answer your own?
This category (Parenting) is about helping parents to know what they and their kids can expect to experience as they enter and maneuver through their twenties. Why should parents know about this? Because let’s face it, being in the twenties is being in the new adolescence . The Los Angeles Times reported on a study by the University of Pennsylvania which concluded that young people are less likely to reach the expected milestones of adulthood such as ‘leaving home, getting married, having a child and being financially independent’ by age 30 then they were in 1960. The increasing cost of a first home, the length of time it takes to get out of school debt, the lower starting salaries, the rising age of (first) marriages and subsequent parenthood…all of these components of launching a life translates into the lengthening of active parenting of adult children for many families.
For all of the reasons mentioned above, and several others I’ll be highlighting below, kids these days have tremendous challenges that make decision making even harder and more complex then ever.
After working as a career counselor with literally hundreds of high school, college and graduate students, as well as working adults in their twenties and early thirties I know that the pressures and questions that young adults face are daunting. And whether their parents take the position that ‘we support you in whatever you want to do’ or that of ‘you should be an X and follow in the family footsteps’ the resulting confusion is the same. The fear of making a wrong step, a life altering miscalculation, the ‘what if I make the wrong choice out of all of these choices’ – these decisions or indecisions can be deafeningly loud and crazy making.
My Services: I am expanding my career coaching services to work with parents of adult children to help them, the parents, to know what to expect (of and for their kids) in order to minimize the frustration level and to be prepared to face what may inevitably come to pass. I am available to help you to develop sane strategies to cope with your adult kids moving back into their old rooms. New rules need to be established regarding rent, household responsibilities, communicating with each other and setting goals and expectations. I am collecting data from clients and others who are in their twenties and early thirties to learn more directly what it is that helps young adults establish themselves as adults. I have worked with hundreds of clients to develop new habits and ways of dealing with themselves to get what they want in their lives. Now I’d like to make a difference in families by working with parents who want to know the best way to parent their kids.
I am still also working with clients of all ages as they deal with all sorts of transitions.
No matter what age we are we can hear the negative voice in our heads as we start to contemplate a move to change something in our lives that says ‘why can’t you be more like X and know what you want and just do that’. “What’s wrong with me/my kids/my spouse that I or they haven’t gotten it together’. Please know that the quiet majority of people don’t know their path. My services, and this website, are for anyone who wants to learn how to support and understand the often messy and delightful realities of launching a life. The launch can be confusing and haltingly bumpy and still result in a fascinating, surprising, stimulating and ‘successful’ life.
For More, see LifeStages
Connecting the Dots (pt. 1)
“You’ve got to find what you love,” Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That’s it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” They said: “Of course.” My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents’ savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn’t see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn’t interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn’t all romantic. I didn’t have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends’ rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
